Today's weight is 202.6. Yay! I'm making progress. Slowly but surely the scale is budging and moving down. I'm happy and it's upped my motivation to keep eating well.

Overall I eat really well during the day for breakfast, lunch and snack(s), but dinner's always been the "trouble" meal for me. My oldest is 10 and is kind of picky, and so is DH. But they've learned that they can put in requests for dinner, and if they don't put in any requests before I go grocery shopping, then it's all up to me as to what we eat since I'm going to be the one cooking it. I'm kind of stuck in a rut as to what to fix for dinner, so I ordered three cookbooks off of amazon.com on Saturday. Two healthy "diet" cookbooks and one low calorie snack book. BUT I had to go grocery shopping before they can come next week, so when I ran a couple of errands yesterday I looked at some cookbooks in the store and found one that I could pick our dinners out of so that I could go grocery shopping.

I went through and marked all of the dinners in the book that appealed to me and from there I selected 10 of them for the next 14 days. I wrote out my grocery list around 10:30pm last night (because it's the only time my LO was sleeping and therefore letting me get it done), and was ready to go shopping first thing this morning. I picked up just about everything on my list, with only a few items to be picked up at Walmart at another time (probably this evening). So I have my meals printed out and we shall eat them. I only picked out 10 recipes to try because we will have a pizza night (bad, I know) and 2-3 leftover nights. I hate throwing away leftovers. Wish me luck on the coming two weeks, especially since we're (my sister and I) starting at the gym tomorrow night.

Today's weight: 204.4 and yesterday's was 204.6. Scale finally budged. I mixed up my eating a bit and took in more calories per day and consumed more water. Lots of it. Seems to have helped. I haven't exercised at all this week. I'm drained and just not feeling the exercise even though I know it will most likely help my energy level. I just haven't been sleeping well lately and therefore I'm exhausted.

Yesterday I went in to the dentist and had an emergency root canal. I spent 3-1/2 hours in the dental chair and I still have to go back next week. I had a lot of pain last night. Not fun at all. On the upside, I'm doing better. I still have pain on that side, but it's functional now.

Also yesterday, my sister and I went to check out a local women's only gym that boasts about a lot of weight loss successes. The gym had some upsides, but for me some HUGE downsides with the biggest one being their onsite child-watch center. I counted 13 kids to one lady who really was in her own little world (or so it seemed to me). When we went back that way, there was a little girl (approximately 4 years old) crying in the bathroom down the hallway and the child-watch lady didn't even have an eye on her. There wasn't any formal checking in or out of the kids (from what I could see). So while this gym was really close and women only, the unusable child-watch center and a couple of other issues made me cringe at the place. So we went and checked out Bally's. Personally I would prefer the YMCA since I have my little one and also my 10 year old to take with me, but my sister was very against it because of the cost. So we joined Bally's and we shall see how this goes. Supposed to start next week. We meet with a personal trainer on Monday to get the feel for their equipment. I'll be honest and say that I'm not looking forward to it, but the appointment's made and so we shall go.

Today's weight is 205.4, same as yesterday. I was a little dissapointed that my weight's not budging at all, BUT I'm making progress slowly. I can see progress in my body measurements taken today compared to the ones taken last week. I know I'm not eating quite like I should. And I am also aware of the fact that I'm not taking in as many calories as my body actually needs per day per meal. My breakfast was only around 200 calories, and my lunch about 250 calories. Yes, I am eating more than that, but I don't track calories from fresh fruit. I never have. It's what works for me. So today I've tried something completely different with my eating and we'll see if it pays off. Breakfast: meal replacement shake & low-fat yogurt. Lunch: tuna on whole-wheat tortilla. Snack: diced apple with a cheese stick. Dinner: sloppy joe on a bun, 1/4 cup corn and 1/4 cup green beans. Lots of water today. I feel stuffed. Oh and three peanut butter blossom cookies.

I have a saboteur in my mix. My sister brought over a big dish of cookies. Just because she's not eating healthy yet, doesn't mean I want that crap! But I gave in an ate three. I'm sitting here talking myself out of going to get a fourth one. I plan to send the rest of the cookies to work with my husband in the morning though. I don't need that junk in the house.

I still am not exercising like I should be. I had planned to get back to my 60 minutes of cardio on the exercise bike and the Slim In 6 dvds today, but my niece that I watch during the day was cranky and not feeling well. So I spent a good part of the day trying to make her not so cranky. On the upside my sister is joining into a weight loss competition at work and wants me to join a gym with her. Tomorrow evening our husbands are watching our kids and we have an appointment to check out a women's only gym in the area. Not sure how I feel about it yet since I haven't been there, and they won't tell you how much their membership is until you come in. I'll give you my verdict after tomorrow evening. Still trying to figure out my eating plan. I'm just going to take it day by day for a while and see how my body reacts.

Thursday's weight: 205.8, Friday's weight is 205.6 lbs and today's weight is 205.4. I'm not losing, but at the same time I'm also not gaining. I've slacked off a bit on a few things and it's time to fess up and also explain why. I think it helps to be completely honest with yourself about why you do or do not do certain things. So here comes more brutal honesty about what I'm doing (or not) and why.

I'm eating really well throughout the day overall until it comes to dinner. Then I get a big FAIL because I'm allowing quick fixes and junk to come to the dinner table. I had Taco Bell three nights ago. Then the next night my husband asked what would be for dinner, and since I didn't have a clue and it was around 3 in afternoon, he suggested cooking breakfast for dinner (bacon, eggs, & pancakes). I jumped on it. It solved my dilema of what to cook for dinner and it also meant that I wouldn't have to fix it (hubby is the one who cooks that meal typically). I had two large pancakes with sugar-free syrup, two pieces of bacon and approximately 2 eggs, scrambled with milk. And THEN I had the almost half a piece of pancake that was leftover from my son that was just sitting pitifully on the serving plate in front of me. And then when putting away the food, I ate ANOTHER piece of bacon. All the while telling myself that I was being dumb by eating those when I had already had more than plenty of food for dinner.

Thursday night for dinner we cooked a rotisserie chicken in our toaster oven/rotisserie. This is one of our new favorite homecooked meals. I season the outside of the chicken with a little bit of olive oil and some garlic powder, onion powder, Italian seasoning and some paprika. I don't eat the skin, but hubs hasn't complained about it yet. Although after cooking the first chicken like this, while cleanin up he goes "Next time I want to inject some butter or something in the chicken". Yeah. Not happy about that suggestion and I let him know it. How can I eat a fairly healthy chicken dinner if the hubs wants to add more fat/calories to it that's really unnecessary? So no injecting anything into my chickens! At least for now he's dropped it. Yay!

I would have eaten well Thursday but there was a slight hang-up when it came to lunch. I was over someone's house who insisted on providing lunch. Lunch was a huge greasy pizza with garlic breadsticks, marinara sauce and nasty looking salad. The host wouldn't take no for an answer and is quoted as saying the grease "is the best part". Yuck! I had one "small" slice that was in reality the size of at least 2-3 slices, with a small amount of ranch dressing. One garlic breadstick with a small amount of marinara sauce, and pepsi. Yes, bad bad me. Horrible unhealthy lunch that I felt guilty for eating.

Dinner was the home-cooked rotisserie chicken, with a side of maple baked beans (1/2 cup), and a salad: baby spinach, tomato, 1 oz. of feta cheese with salad vinegar. I ate a little too much chicken, and I probably could have skipped the baked beans. But I'm taking baby steps sometimes.

I finished the day with a yogurt that I had frozen. Yum.

Friday I did better. I had a meal replacement shake for breakfast. A snack of oranges mid-morning. Lunch was my usual tuna with a little bit of light Miracle Whip and relish on a whole wheat tortilla. Dinner could have been tragic. I made chicken enchiladas. I could normally eat at least 2-1/2 of them before. I was hungry too. I had forgotten to eat an afternoon snack. So I made a salad, and ate that first. But I dished out my plate before I sat down to eat. I dished out a LOT of enchiladas. Overal it probably amounted to 3 enchiladas (since I made half of the dish as an enchilada casserole). I feed my son off of my plate last night which is part of why I dished out so much. I ate my salad first and then started on my enchiladas. I only ate one enchilada (with a small amount of reduced-fat sour cream), and a bite of the rest. I was so happy that I didn't eat more.

Today my eating has been on track, but dinner's going to be an issue. Dinner with be at a relative's house and they're fixing boxed mac & cheese and frozen chicken tenders. My stomach turns at the thought of eating this. I'm still trying to figure out what I should do for dinner while there.

Exercise for the past three days has been pretty much non-existant. I did my Slim In 6 dvd on Thursday, but skipped the end stretched and ab work. I hurt too much (my back/tailbone injury) the night before for me to even want to do those. I did fit in 60 minutes of cardio (broken up of course) on the exercise bike. I was dissapointed the next day to see that even with those, I didn't make my 2500 calorie burn for Thursday.

Friday was nothing. I admit it. I was lazy. Today has been the same. My calorie burn was at least 2300 for those two days without exercise. Not an excuse. Tomorrow I probably won't exercise either. Yes, motivation is lacking.

Monday I plan to start exercising again and putting my full effort into it. I'm still doing my best to stay on track with eating. I have not given up, just recalculating. I've been reading about the 17 Day Diet way of eating. Sounds realistic from everything I've seen so far. I'm wondering if I should get the book. I know I need long-term realistic eating goals. I also need ones where the family can all eat the same thing for dinner. That's my problem. I sent a message to an online friend that has lot a lot of weight and is very motivational. She gave me a few suggestions and I plan to use them. I'm so thankful for people like her that are willing to share what they know, and what works for them long term. It helps a lot.

Today's weight is 205.2. Yay! As long as it's going down, or even staying the same and not going back up, then I'm happy. I still say it's only fluxuation until I see a lower number several days in a row.

So I did eat really well yesterday overall, until it came to dinner. In my defense, our kitchen is a disaster area and the plan for yesterday was for my husband and myself to attempt to clean and organize the kitchen. We had picked up our DD (dear daughter) from school and went to Wally World (aka Walmart) to pick up a few necessities before heading home. I picked up some yogurt, string cheese, bread and a few other things. I normally make my own yogurt but I haven't had time to lately. I will soon, but until then I picked up some store brand yogurt. Not the greatest, but it will do for now. So back to dinner. While at Wally World, my DH (dear husband) suggested picking up Taco Bell for dinner on the way home so that we wouldn't have to stop to cook dinner and it would take up less time. I thought about it for a minute and said okay knowing it would probably be a mistake. I got my typical meal of a mexican pizza and two taco supremes that comes with a large soda. I only ate the mexican pizza and one taco, but I did drink all 32 oz of soda. And not diet soda at that. It's so bad to drink your calories, and I felt guilty the whole time. I still did ok calorie-wise for the day. I don't know my exact total, but I know I was within a good, but high range for me. Next time I resolve myself to not get the meal, and just get what I want without a drink. No excuses!

I did adjust my bodybugg daily burn goal to 2500 yesterday and I met that goal. I burned 2664 according to the bodybugg. Yay! I'm hoping I can do the same again today.

I'm a little sore after yesterday's Slim In 6 workout. Nothing too bad right now, although my lower back/tailbone area was killing me last night. I'm definitely going to have to modify some of the exercises to keep me from hurting so much. I haven't exercised any this morning because I've had the two busy little ones running around. My niece is cranky and wants more attention. She's laying beside me on the couch right now and fairly content, although fighting sleep, but I know the moment I try to go do something she's going to start fussing. So here I sit with her. I'm hoping she falls asleep before my little guy wakes up otherwise I don't know when or how I'm going to fit my workout in today. He was very needy yesterday when I was trying to workout. Something about mommy needing mommy time always makes them want/need you more. Wish me luck today.

So far today I'm still on "plan" with my eating. I've had my morning meal shake and an apple for breakfast. If I can leave my niece resting, then I'll have a couple oranges for a snack, if not, then I guess I'll be stuck until lunch. I'm a little hungry, so I'm hoping she'll settle down and rest.

Today was a successful workout day...with a few hiccups. It took FOREVER and a lot of interuptions, but I did Beachbody's Slim In Six, Start It Up with some modified exercises and a lot of feeling out of shape and feeling like I looked beyond stupid along the way, but I got it done. I also was able to complete (again, with a lot of interuptions) 60 minutes on the recumbant exercise bike I have in the living room.

Did I mention that not only do I have my 16 month old son with me during the day, but I also have my 16 month old niece 4 or more days a week? No? Well, I do. So two toddlers running around, on two different nap schedules, makes for lots of interuptions. I did most of it when they were napping, but since they're not on the same schedule, it kind of sucks.

Also, note to self, when doing exercise videos in the house, you still need to wear shoes. I hurt one of my toes...smacked it on the bench for our dining table (our living room and dining area are combined), and it HURT!!! Another break was needed after that one.

Still eating well. I had a pouch of tuna with 1 tablespoon light Miracle Whip and 1 tablespoon relish on a whole wheat tortilla. I also had one serving of Special K's cracker chips on the side. I'm planning to have a snack of two oranges in a few...if the kids let me. That's the hard part, finding time to do the things for me that I need to do without the two little ones wanting me to do something else. I'm working on finding out what works. It's going to take time, and a lot of it. Still trying though.

Today I weigh 206.2. There is that "natural" fluxuation in weight I was talking about yesterday. I haven't lost anything, but am fluxuating. As long as it doesn't got up above 207, then I'll stay happy. I ate pretty well yesterday but I did have the munchies really bad at one point. I had a 100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels and a chocolate rice cake to help with the munchies. Overall, not too bad of a choice since it only came out to 160 calories for those two things. I know I could have made better choices at the time though. I have fresh fruit and baby carrots I could have munched on instead. One day at a time, one change at a time.

On the upside, I'm not drinking as much soda as I used to. I've been known to compare my addiction to soda as a smoker's addiction to ciggarettes. I crave soda. One it hits, it doesn't go away. I can deny the craving for several days, but it's still there screaming at me that I need SODA! I don't crave it right now. I'm happy about that. Really happy. I do have some diet soda in the house for when and if a craving hits hard. I haven't had a soda since Sunday, and before that I can't recall when I had another. This is good. This is progress. Yay!

I'm starting my day off on the right track. I've had a sliced up apple, and I'm able to have a meal replacement shake. I'm not a breakfast person, so eating/consuming anything in the morning is better than nothing. I've used meal replacement shakes for breakfast off and on for years. It works for me. That's one thing that I've done over the years regardless of if I was trying to be healthier or not. I know this works for me.

I've also pulled my new exercise step out of the back room (where I plan to use it long term, but the room is in chaos right now making it impossible) and put it in the living room. I've done a few steps. Not a lot overall so far, but if I keep adding to it over the coarse of the day it will add up. On a side note, my little guy is loving playing on the step. He's driving his cars on it. He dances on top of it. He tries to step up with me. I'm just hoping he doesn't get distracted and fall off at some point. Lol.

Oh, and according to my bodybugg, I burned 2231 calories yesterday. This was being absolutely lazy and sitting on my duff most of the day. How sad that I was that lazy. I just wasn't motivated. I'm working on that. My daily burn "goal" according to when I set up my goals on the bodybugg site, is only 2300. I'm thinking I need to adjust this because my body is burning almost that being lazy. I used to have low burn days on my lazy days when I was using the bodybugg system before I was pregnant with my little man and they were around 1400. My body has changed and so has my metabolism. I'm going to adjust my daily burn goal to at least 2500 to keep me from getting so lazy.

FAIL!!!

Ok, so I obviously had good intentions 14 months ago to start working towards becoming healthier, but I failed big time. Yes, I FAILED! Not only didn't I start exercising, but I kept eating poorly, and also GAINED weight! How depressing. Seriously, it's depressing. I'm at my absolute highest weight now and it sucks. I keep reminding myself that it could be worse, and that there are people who are larger than me, but who am I kidding but myself. I'm unhealthy and it sucks.

I've had a lot of...struggles since my last child was born. He was diagnosed as FTT (failure to thrive) around 2 weeks old and had to be admitted to our local children's hospital for several days. Before being admitted to the hospital, we were either at the doctor's office, on the phone with the doctor, or at the hospital having tests run. It was tough. We (my husband and I) ate poorly if at all. The day they sent us to the hospital to have my little tiny baby boy admitted to the hospital because at around 2 weeks old he weighed less than at birth and was not gaining weight, I cried when I actually saw on the admitting papers that he was diagnosed as failure to thrive. We were very lucky and our boy immediately improved on a new formula (we'd already been through about 10 different types of formula prior to the hospital admittance, with the last one actually being part of the reason he got so bad off that he had to be admitted), IV fluids, and lots of tracking every drop in and out. He spent less than a week in the hospital (only 3 or 4 days, I believe) before being discharged. Things definitely improved after our boy was changed to a special (and very expensive) formula for milk protein intolerance. He also apparently had a severe soy protein intolerance (he spent the last several days before the hospital stay, on soy formula). After coming back home, he vastly improved, but in order for him to keep his formula down, he was on medication for reflux and had to have a ton of rice cereal in his bottle to help thicken it up. He still would spit up constantly for a while. Stressfull and messy.

Over the past 14 months, I've also slipped and fallen down two different flights of stairs (in our current house we're renting, and in our previous home). I would say that I've been kind of lucky when I've slipped and fallen, but at the same time, not really. The last time I slipped on the stairs in our old home, I was only two steps from the bottom, but fell hard and I believe I broke my tailbone. I say that I believe I did, because I never went to the doctor. It happened in the late evening, and my husband, who is military, was away for 6 months, only to be home for Christmas. I should have gone to the doctor, but taking an infant and an older child to the ER wasn't really an option, and I didn't have any one to call on at the time. I hurt for weeks after that. I still hurt around my tailbone area, and often get a pinched nerve that makes my hips hurt so bad. The last time I slipped on the stairs, was just about three months ago. I slipped and my toes rolled on my left foot. I again, didn't go to the doctor because it was really late at night, and it would mean pulling the baby out of bed to go to the hospital. I believe I broke my big toe because my foot still hurts. Yes, I know I need to go to the doctor to have these checked out. Problem is, that I really don't have a good doctor to go to for these things. I have great insurance, but keep finding crappy doctors. These injuries have made it extremely difficult to get motivated to exercise, when your body hurts and is practically screaming at you.

I have found that since having my little guy, that life is completely different than it has ever been. I'm having a harder time eating right, and even remembering to eat breakfast. And when I have any down time, I find that I just want to veg instead of doing what I need to do and what I should do. I don't even want to do housework. I find that I've gotten rather lazy, or at least that's how it feels, since my little guy came along.

I'm frustrated and unhappy. I'm working on these things.

I'm working on trying to figure out a basic meal plan that will work for me. My old methods aren't working this time around. I'm finding that if I'm not pigging out on junk food and going overboard, then I'm not eating enough. In order to be in "weight loss mode" I need to take in around 1600-1800 calories per day. Yes, that's high for a low activity person. I've done the math, and tracked what works for me, and what doesn't. Anything below 1600 and I don't lose weight. I burn anywhere from 2200 calories and up just being a lazy bum and sitting on my duff most days. How do I know this? I use a bodybugg.

I love my bodybugg. I love (and hate) my bathroom scale. These are my main tools for success and tracking. I will proudly wear my bodybugg every day (and night) if it helps keep me on track. I weigh myself every morning when I get up, to keep me informed of how I'm doing. My weight fluctuates daily just like everyone else's. If I know what my "range" is and I'm ok with that. Now I just need to work towards a new range.

I pledge to work toward becoming a healthier and happier person and therefore a healthier and happier mom and wife. My highest, and starting weight this time around is 207 lbs. I'm hoping that once I start losing that I'll never see a 2 in front of my weight again.