Weight's still hanging around the same range (192-194).
Most days I'm still eating fairly well, but I definitely have my "off" days. And yesterday was one of them. Yesterday afternoon and evening I felt like a bottomless pit.
I'm still trying hard to increase my water intake, but some days I fail miserably. Today I'm up to 60 ounces already though. Some days I do well, other days, I end the day and realize I've only had about 20 ounces of fluids. I'm still focusing on this goal of drinking at least 80-100 ounces of water each day.
Despite my best intentions, I'm not exercising, for multiple reasons. One being, I just don't feel like it. The second being, I hurt like crazy most days. I've been having really bad pain with my hips, lower back and tailbone area. Some days I hurt so bad I can barely pick up my son, or even walk hardly. Other days are managable. I hurt every. single. day. Lately, I hurt all day long every day. I try not to take pain meds until I absolutely have to, because I already have take them every night when I go to bed, in hopes that it will tame the pain enough that I can sleep. I try not to take them during the day unless it gets to the point where I hurt so bad that I can't even think and I'm to the point of tears. It's that bad. I'm relunctant to go back to the doctor about it for several reasons. One, it costs money that we just don't have right now. Two, if the try to give me any stronger pain meds, I can't take them. They make me violently sick. And I haven't had any luck in finding a doctor that has offered me hope that hasn't been shattered.
So to put it simply, I haven't given up, but I am slightly detoured for the moment. Just a bump in the road.
These are the ramblings of one woman on her journey to go from fat to fit, NOT fat to thin. There will be a little bit of this and that thrown in occasionally, so excuse the clutter of the mind going on in this blog!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
10/03/11
As of this morning, my weight's at 194.6 lbs.
I've decided, once again, that baby steps is the way for me to make lasting changes. I've been working on eating breakfast, and a healthy one at that, every day. I've been quite successful. The past month I've had breakfast every day, and a healthy one too. Most days it's a bowl of oatmeal. My son and I will each have a bowl of oatmeal after taking my daughter to school. We look forward to our breakfast after coming back home. It's routine, and we like it. And yesterday, I had an appointment to get to that was an hour after I woke up, but I still made time to eat breakfast - something I wouldn't have done before. Baby steps. One small change at a time. It works.
The next goal that I'm trying to work on now is my water/fluid intake. I'm still nowhere near taking in the water that I need to, on a daily basis. I can't help it - I don't want to live in the bathroom! Lol. I'm struggling on this step, despite having been working hard on improving my intake for the past two weeks. I'm still working on this goal, and will keep working on it until I get much better at reaching my goal.
On another note, my son is now two years old, and has FINALLY started sleeping through the night. On the downside, he no longer naps, and doesn't go to bed until around 10pm every night. Apparently my son doesn't need a lot of sleep. It's crazy. It's frustrating. It's his natural sleep cycle though, and I'm a firm believer that following a person's natural sleep cycle helps them to function better. So both my husband and I are very happy that he's sleeping through the night finally, but we find ourselves tired and hoping our son will go to bed and to sleep so that we can get some sleep ourselves. Sleep is crucial to dealing with daily stresses that can cause you to do things like - not exercise, make poor eating choices, reach for a can of soda even though you know you shouldn't have one, grabbing a brownie because you're having a bad day, etc.
I've been meaning to put this down for a while, but I've come to the conclusion that fat people suffer from "food amnesia". Really, we do. I know that there are many times where if I didn't write it down, I honestly couldn't tell you what I ate, much less if I ate at all. It's crazy how many times I can't remember if I had lunch or not. This is why food journaling is so crucial to being successful, at least for me.
I've decided, once again, that baby steps is the way for me to make lasting changes. I've been working on eating breakfast, and a healthy one at that, every day. I've been quite successful. The past month I've had breakfast every day, and a healthy one too. Most days it's a bowl of oatmeal. My son and I will each have a bowl of oatmeal after taking my daughter to school. We look forward to our breakfast after coming back home. It's routine, and we like it. And yesterday, I had an appointment to get to that was an hour after I woke up, but I still made time to eat breakfast - something I wouldn't have done before. Baby steps. One small change at a time. It works.
The next goal that I'm trying to work on now is my water/fluid intake. I'm still nowhere near taking in the water that I need to, on a daily basis. I can't help it - I don't want to live in the bathroom! Lol. I'm struggling on this step, despite having been working hard on improving my intake for the past two weeks. I'm still working on this goal, and will keep working on it until I get much better at reaching my goal.
On another note, my son is now two years old, and has FINALLY started sleeping through the night. On the downside, he no longer naps, and doesn't go to bed until around 10pm every night. Apparently my son doesn't need a lot of sleep. It's crazy. It's frustrating. It's his natural sleep cycle though, and I'm a firm believer that following a person's natural sleep cycle helps them to function better. So both my husband and I are very happy that he's sleeping through the night finally, but we find ourselves tired and hoping our son will go to bed and to sleep so that we can get some sleep ourselves. Sleep is crucial to dealing with daily stresses that can cause you to do things like - not exercise, make poor eating choices, reach for a can of soda even though you know you shouldn't have one, grabbing a brownie because you're having a bad day, etc.
I've been meaning to put this down for a while, but I've come to the conclusion that fat people suffer from "food amnesia". Really, we do. I know that there are many times where if I didn't write it down, I honestly couldn't tell you what I ate, much less if I ate at all. It's crazy how many times I can't remember if I had lunch or not. This is why food journaling is so crucial to being successful, at least for me.
Complications
So this post has been a long time in the thinking. I've had some complications, and run ins, and it's made me rethink my whole posting with honesty here. I've been fighting with myself as to if I should continue this blog, and just how honest I should continue to be with my posts. Long story short, I've concluded that this blog is really for no one but myself, and because of that I will continue to post my honest thoughts, feelings, triumphs and struggles. I ask again, if you're not going to offer support, then please move on and don't bother me. I don't need any negativity, just support.
So on that note, I would like to add that I am an extremely private person. I don't share a lot with people due to my personal history, and also recent experience. In anger or frustration, people will use any little thing that they can against you to hurt you. So I will say again, if you're not reading this to support me or encourage you on your own journey, please move on. This blog is a therapeutic outlet for me to deal with my feelings about my journey. I share deeply personal thoughts on occasion, while other times I just skim the surface.
I'm still on my journey even though I haven't been posting due to a recent experience that had made me hesistant to post my true thoughts and feelings. I will resume actively posting again as of now. This bit of space is all about me, and it helps.
So on that note, I would like to add that I am an extremely private person. I don't share a lot with people due to my personal history, and also recent experience. In anger or frustration, people will use any little thing that they can against you to hurt you. So I will say again, if you're not reading this to support me or encourage you on your own journey, please move on. This blog is a therapeutic outlet for me to deal with my feelings about my journey. I share deeply personal thoughts on occasion, while other times I just skim the surface.
I'm still on my journey even though I haven't been posting due to a recent experience that had made me hesistant to post my true thoughts and feelings. I will resume actively posting again as of now. This bit of space is all about me, and it helps.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Failing at losing, 09/18/11
Failing at losing, that pretty much sums it up for my progress. Since my miscarraige earlier this year, my hormones have been way out of whack and I've been moody, extremely irritable and depressed. I'm so tired of feeling so blah and unmotivated. I'm tired of being aggravated with my weight, but not caring enough to really do anything to change it. I was doing really well until I found out that I was pregnant and then subsequently miscarried. I wish I could get that motivation back. I wish that so many crappy things didn't happen this year to stress me out. Wishing won't change anything though. Wishing is useless because that's all it is.
Definition of "wish" courtesy of Google:
1.A desire or hope for something to happen
- the union has reiterated its wish for an agreement
- it is their wish to continue organizing similar exhibitions
2.An expression of such a desire, typically in the form of a request or instruction
- she must carry out her late father's wishes
3.An invocation or recitation of a hope or desire
- he makes a wish
4.An expression of a desire for someone's success or good fortune
- they had received kindness and good wishes from total strangers
5.A thing or event that is or has been desired; an object of desire
- the petitioners eventually got their wish
So wishing is useless. Planning and acting on that plan is what will actually change things. So I plan to sit down tomorrow and come up with a long term plan on how I want to change my eating and fitness habits and what my short and long term goals are.
Definition of "wish" courtesy of Google:
1.A desire or hope for something to happen
- the union has reiterated its wish for an agreement
- it is their wish to continue organizing similar exhibitions
2.An expression of such a desire, typically in the form of a request or instruction
- she must carry out her late father's wishes
3.An invocation or recitation of a hope or desire
- he makes a wish
4.An expression of a desire for someone's success or good fortune
- they had received kindness and good wishes from total strangers
5.A thing or event that is or has been desired; an object of desire
- the petitioners eventually got their wish
So wishing is useless. Planning and acting on that plan is what will actually change things. So I plan to sit down tomorrow and come up with a long term plan on how I want to change my eating and fitness habits and what my short and long term goals are.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Friday, 09/09/11: Days 2, 3 & 4 Recap
Day 2: Ate well, drank my water, and did the exercise bike for 15 minutes.
Day 3: Ate poorly (pizza buffet is never a good idea), didn't drink hardly any water, took a walk with the family for about 20 minutes.
Day 4: Ate ok (did well for the first half of the day, but dinner was chili cheese dogs, and had too many chocolates), drank my water, haven't done any purposeful movement today. I keep trying to convince myself that I did more than I commited to do yesterday so that HAS to count for not doing any today. I know that it's a bunch of bull, but I can't convince myself to get moving.
Day 3: Ate poorly (pizza buffet is never a good idea), didn't drink hardly any water, took a walk with the family for about 20 minutes.
Day 4: Ate ok (did well for the first half of the day, but dinner was chili cheese dogs, and had too many chocolates), drank my water, haven't done any purposeful movement today. I keep trying to convince myself that I did more than I commited to do yesterday so that HAS to count for not doing any today. I know that it's a bunch of bull, but I can't convince myself to get moving.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
09/06/11, Day 1 Recap
I drank my all my water. Yay!
I ate fairly well. Oatmeal for breakfast. Two hot dogs w/some veggie straws for lunch. Freezer pop for a snack (with my son). Dinner was (home cooked)) rotisserie chicken, green beans, cooked cauliflower and some baked beans. Dessert was a bag of Reese's mini peanut butter cups.
I didn't get my purposeful movement in at all. I felt bad that I didn't, but honestly, I didn't really care either.
I ate fairly well. Oatmeal for breakfast. Two hot dogs w/some veggie straws for lunch. Freezer pop for a snack (with my son). Dinner was (home cooked)) rotisserie chicken, green beans, cooked cauliflower and some baked beans. Dessert was a bag of Reese's mini peanut butter cups.
I didn't get my purposeful movement in at all. I felt bad that I didn't, but honestly, I didn't really care either.
Sidenote: Comment posting issues
Just to put this out there, I'm having major issues commenting on most blogger/blogspot blogs right now. It keeps telling me something along the line of "you're not authorized to view this page, please log out and log into another account". Anybody have any ideas on what in the world is wrong? I can finally post response comments on my own blog, but I had to change the comment form to open in a new page first before I was able to.
Tuesday, 09/06/11, aka Starting Over (again)
Grr...You'd think I'd learn and stop falling back into old nasty habits no matter what. You'd think that, wouldn't you? Apparently my brain doesn't think that way. So here I am, essentially starting over from day 1 again. So here goes...
Today my weight was 195.6 - :(
My long term goals are: 1) Get to a healthy weight for my height and build and maintain it. 2) Incorporate daily physical activities/fitness into not only my routine, but my family's as well. 3) Stop feeling like a space cadet in a fog that forgets simple things and gets "zoned in" to the wrong things (oh, say, the computer for one).
My monthly goals for September are: 1) Get down to below 190 pounds. 2) Log 25 miles of walking/jogging and 50-100 miles on the exercise bike.
My weekly goals are: to drink my water (64 ounces/day), and to do purposeful movement at least 10 minutes each day.
So for me, I count my week as starting on Monday normally. I just don't like separating Saturday and Sunday - I feel like they belong grouped together. So that's how I keep my weekly calendars setup - starting on Monday. So normally my weeks will start on Monday, but since this week Monday was a holiday and school for my daughter started back up today, today is the first counted day of my week this time only.
Wish me luck! Wish me success! Wish me healthy and fit!
Today my weight was 195.6 - :(
My long term goals are: 1) Get to a healthy weight for my height and build and maintain it. 2) Incorporate daily physical activities/fitness into not only my routine, but my family's as well. 3) Stop feeling like a space cadet in a fog that forgets simple things and gets "zoned in" to the wrong things (oh, say, the computer for one).
My monthly goals for September are: 1) Get down to below 190 pounds. 2) Log 25 miles of walking/jogging and 50-100 miles on the exercise bike.
My weekly goals are: to drink my water (64 ounces/day), and to do purposeful movement at least 10 minutes each day.
So for me, I count my week as starting on Monday normally. I just don't like separating Saturday and Sunday - I feel like they belong grouped together. So that's how I keep my weekly calendars setup - starting on Monday. So normally my weeks will start on Monday, but since this week Monday was a holiday and school for my daughter started back up today, today is the first counted day of my week this time only.
Wish me luck! Wish me success! Wish me healthy and fit!
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Saturday, 08/06/11
Celebrate the small successes. I'm still not doing great, but I am doing better - and that's a start. I just had to share that my weight this morning is back down to 192.2 and this makes me very happy - especially since my new obsession is iced coffee (homemade, of course!).
Friday, August 5, 2011
Friday, 08/05/11
So I'm still apparently lacking the motivation to get moving and do what I need to do to get myself healthier. I'm frustrated with myself, but again, apparently not frustrated enough to do something about it. I have cut back on my junk food/snack intake. I also have been avoiding soda for the most part. I've had one once in a while, but I haven't bought any soda to keep on hand which has definitely helped. I haven't been drinking enough fluids daily, but I'm working on that slowly. My main problem with this is the more I drink the more I have to use the restroom. And I don't know about you, but running errands with a toddler and having to go to the restroom contantly sucks.
My weight as of this morning is 193.8, so at least I'm going back down to where I was before I fell off the wagon completely and was subsequently run over by it. Lol.
Next Friday afternoon we're leaving to go on a long roadtrip to see two friends. We'll be gone for twelve days total including travel days. Five of those days will be travelling there and back. I'm hoping that this doesn't put my weight way back up, so I'm going to consciously try to make better choices while away from home. Wish me strength on this one, because I'm going to need it!
My weight as of this morning is 193.8, so at least I'm going back down to where I was before I fell off the wagon completely and was subsequently run over by it. Lol.
Next Friday afternoon we're leaving to go on a long roadtrip to see two friends. We'll be gone for twelve days total including travel days. Five of those days will be travelling there and back. I'm hoping that this doesn't put my weight way back up, so I'm going to consciously try to make better choices while away from home. Wish me strength on this one, because I'm going to need it!
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Tuesday: August 2, 2011
No news is bad news. At least for me and my healthy journey. UGH!!! Why do I keep doing this to myself! I feel like I can't get anything done, much less exercise and eat healthy. There has been a lot going on lately, and I guess I'm letting it all get the better of me.
My weight as of this morning was 197.2. Yuck! And I haven't eaten healthy today either. Protein shake for breakfast. Chips. Two sandwiches and more chips. Lemonade. Yup, that's so not good for me at all. When will I ever learn? Apparently not today.
I did go to the gym on Sunday and worked out with the trainer. He kicked my butt big time. My arms are sore, but at least it's not like how sore I was the last time.
So life's been getting in the way. The hubs is working like mad. He works with the military Monday through Friday during the day. Then he's working part time in the evening, and for the past while he's been scheduled both weekend days and four weeknights. Eventually that schedule is going to get better (hopefully at least one weekend day off and 1-2 evenings off each week), but until it does, it sucks. My son still wakes up just about every night. Oh how I miss the days when my first born was sleeping through the night really early on. My son's almost two and still not consistently sleeping through the night. :( I go to bed way too late (around midnight most nights). My husband's grandmother lost her battle with breast cancer and passed away recently (and unfortunatley she lived out of state). We've gone out of town to help out my husband's mom. We had one of our nephews for a week, and the other nephew during the day for four of those days. My daughter had a really bad case of bronchittis that wouldn't go away. Life's just crazy. And next week we're going on a long roadtrip to visit an old friend. Like I said, crazy.
I'm hoping I can get my head in it soon, because this is my health I'm tossing to the side. I'm going to shoot for the water goal again. I was doing well until we went out of town to help out my mother-in-law. And when we got home, I didn't even try. I need to stop this mentality of all or nothing because it DOESN'T WORK!!!
My weight as of this morning was 197.2. Yuck! And I haven't eaten healthy today either. Protein shake for breakfast. Chips. Two sandwiches and more chips. Lemonade. Yup, that's so not good for me at all. When will I ever learn? Apparently not today.
I did go to the gym on Sunday and worked out with the trainer. He kicked my butt big time. My arms are sore, but at least it's not like how sore I was the last time.
So life's been getting in the way. The hubs is working like mad. He works with the military Monday through Friday during the day. Then he's working part time in the evening, and for the past while he's been scheduled both weekend days and four weeknights. Eventually that schedule is going to get better (hopefully at least one weekend day off and 1-2 evenings off each week), but until it does, it sucks. My son still wakes up just about every night. Oh how I miss the days when my first born was sleeping through the night really early on. My son's almost two and still not consistently sleeping through the night. :( I go to bed way too late (around midnight most nights). My husband's grandmother lost her battle with breast cancer and passed away recently (and unfortunatley she lived out of state). We've gone out of town to help out my husband's mom. We had one of our nephews for a week, and the other nephew during the day for four of those days. My daughter had a really bad case of bronchittis that wouldn't go away. Life's just crazy. And next week we're going on a long roadtrip to visit an old friend. Like I said, crazy.
I'm hoping I can get my head in it soon, because this is my health I'm tossing to the side. I'm going to shoot for the water goal again. I was doing well until we went out of town to help out my mother-in-law. And when we got home, I didn't even try. I need to stop this mentality of all or nothing because it DOESN'T WORK!!!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tuesday, July 26th, 2011
So far so good. I drank my minimum 64 ounces of water yesterday, didn't have any soda and ate three meals (and a couple of not-so-good-for-you snacks).
Today I've been better in some areas, and slacked off in another. I had a soda. I blame the husband. He brought it home from job #1 to take with him to job #2 and forgot it in the freezer. So since I knew it was there in the kitchen taunting me, I grabbed it and drank it - all the while cursing the husband. Lol. It's not his fault I have crappy will power right now. I've had three meals - mostly good choices too, and only one bad snack. I've also had LOTS of water today. Yay for baby steps!
Today I've been better in some areas, and slacked off in another. I had a soda. I blame the husband. He brought it home from job #1 to take with him to job #2 and forgot it in the freezer. So since I knew it was there in the kitchen taunting me, I grabbed it and drank it - all the while cursing the husband. Lol. It's not his fault I have crappy will power right now. I've had three meals - mostly good choices too, and only one bad snack. I've also had LOTS of water today. Yay for baby steps!
Monday, July 25, 2011
Monday, July 25th, 2011
So I'm doing really bad right now. My weight's back up to 196.8 as of this morning. I'm frustrated, but obviously not enough to do what needs to be done. I've watched my weight creep up and I did nothing to stop it. Well, I'm going to get back to changing my habits, one thing at a time. Baby steps. This weeks baby step is to drink a minimum of 64 ounces of water every day. I'm also shooting for eating less junk food and soda, and to eat 3 meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner), each day.
So far today, I'm already on track for my baby step goals, but then again it's only 10am. I am optimistic that I can and will stay on track.
So far today, I'm already on track for my baby step goals, but then again it's only 10am. I am optimistic that I can and will stay on track.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Monday, 07/11/11
I'm having a hard time finding motivation lately. It's a daily struggle to get the day to day things done, and summer activities for the kids, much less exercise or eat right. I want to be motivated, but I'm just not. I know what I should do, but I can't bring myself to do it. I'm really struggling with myself lately and I'm not sure how to overcome it. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to share them with me!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Tuesday, 07/05/11
I've been bad. Really bad.
I've been eating horribly - my sweet tooth has been ruling the roost. And I've been indulging in way too much soda too. It's so bad that I just had an ice cream sandwich, and am drinking a soda (and not even a diet soda) while I write this.
I'm really going to try to eat/drink better tomorrow. Most of the junk food is out of the house now, and while there are still plenty of sodas around, I'm really going to fight to limit myself to one a day or none at all. I'm hoping I have the strength to do that. Soda is my weakness, or as I put it, it's my addiction. Seriously, I crave soda the way (I'm pretty sure) a smoker craves a ciggarette (something I know nothing about since I don't smoke).
So I didn't take my measurements this week, so if I remember, I'll try to take them tomorrow to see where I'm essentially restarting at. My weight's still in the same range, thankfully. This morning it was 192.0, which works for me. Not gaining is a good thing since I've been so bad lately.
I did try out another tasty and reasonably lower calorie dish yesterday. It was Hungry Girl's Pulled Chicken (aka barbeque chicken sandwiches).
I've been eating horribly - my sweet tooth has been ruling the roost. And I've been indulging in way too much soda too. It's so bad that I just had an ice cream sandwich, and am drinking a soda (and not even a diet soda) while I write this.
I'm really going to try to eat/drink better tomorrow. Most of the junk food is out of the house now, and while there are still plenty of sodas around, I'm really going to fight to limit myself to one a day or none at all. I'm hoping I have the strength to do that. Soda is my weakness, or as I put it, it's my addiction. Seriously, I crave soda the way (I'm pretty sure) a smoker craves a ciggarette (something I know nothing about since I don't smoke).
So I didn't take my measurements this week, so if I remember, I'll try to take them tomorrow to see where I'm essentially restarting at. My weight's still in the same range, thankfully. This morning it was 192.0, which works for me. Not gaining is a good thing since I've been so bad lately.
I did try out another tasty and reasonably lower calorie dish yesterday. It was Hungry Girl's Pulled Chicken (aka barbeque chicken sandwiches).
Friday, July 1, 2011
Friday, 07/01/11
MY. LEGS. HURT.
Did you get that? My legs hurt! Big time! Let me just put it to you this way, my legs hurt so much that just going up one step or getting into my SUV hurts. I can walk around, but getting up from sitting or even sitting down hurts bad. Going up the stairs is killer, and I mean that. I feel like my legs won't work. While standing today I've had my legs buckle on me twice.
So now that you get that my legs are really really sore, I'm just going to say that I didn't do much today at all and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Lol.
I ate/drank poorly today. Dang cookies! I should know better to let someone else go grocery shopping with me. Good news is that the pack of cookies that was bought this morning is almost gone. And no, I didn't eat them all myself.
So I'm going to take my butt to bed and get some rest and hope that my legs are a little less sore tomorrow morning. I'm not really expecting that, but I can hope!
Did you get that? My legs hurt! Big time! Let me just put it to you this way, my legs hurt so much that just going up one step or getting into my SUV hurts. I can walk around, but getting up from sitting or even sitting down hurts bad. Going up the stairs is killer, and I mean that. I feel like my legs won't work. While standing today I've had my legs buckle on me twice.
So now that you get that my legs are really really sore, I'm just going to say that I didn't do much today at all and I'm not ashamed to admit that. Lol.
I ate/drank poorly today. Dang cookies! I should know better to let someone else go grocery shopping with me. Good news is that the pack of cookies that was bought this morning is almost gone. And no, I didn't eat them all myself.
So I'm going to take my butt to bed and get some rest and hope that my legs are a little less sore tomorrow morning. I'm not really expecting that, but I can hope!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Thursday, 06/30/11
I keep meaning to post, but keep getting distracted. Life keeps getting in the way of me writing here. Maybe that's a good thing, maybe not.
Weight as of this morning was 192.2. I'm still staying in the same range. I consider that some success. I haven't gained any back, but haven't lost any more. I haven't been trying to lately, either.
There's been a lot going on for us lately. Hubs is working a lot at his second job. School's out for summer. Family drama. You name it, it's been keeping up busy and/or stressed.
I won't go into the family drama, but it all came to a head again just two days ago. It was a very stressfull night to say the least. Stress is not good for the body.
School's out for summer and we've been busy doing activities. We've been taking advantage of free (or mostly free) crafts at local stores. This is awesome for my older child. She's done a lot of cool crafts so far and we haven't even touched on the crafts we have on our summer to-do list for at home. We have also been taking advantage of the AMF summer bowling for kids. We've done a lot of bowling...and unfortunately a lot of soda drinking and junk food eating too. Not good! Lol.
I've started going to the gym again. Yay! I went on Monday night and walked/jogged for about 15 minutes. I then did 15 minutes on the elliptical and felt like I was going to die. Ok, not really, but I did feel rough. I went back to the gym on Tuesday night. I was so proud of myself because I didn't even leave the house for the gym until 9pm (and the gym is 20 minutes away). Long story short, family drama happened and I only exercised for 5 minutes before I had to leave. I didn't bother going last night because I just didn't feel like it and I also knew that I would definitely be going tonight.
So tonight I went to the gym and got my butt kicked by a trainer, Daniel. I have to say, so far I love working out with Daniel. I never felt it really click when I worked out with Jeff. I'm also using a different location of my gym. They're both about 20 minutes away from my house (in two different directions) and I really like this location much better. They have a lot more cardio equipment and I just like the overall vibe there better. Honestly, working out with Daniel was a fluke. He just happened to chat me up on Monday night when I went in and after hearing about my feelings about the training experience at the other location, he decided to work me out tonight.
My sister and I had signed up for 24 sessions with a trainer for a rate to be paid over 3 months time and 2 sessions per week. We finished paying for them back in April. We used a bunch of sessions (not sure exactly how many) but due to Jeff not billing them out, we were left with 17 sessions on the books. My sister gave me the rest of the sessions to use since she's moving out of state in about a week, so I will be working out with Daniel for those 17 sessions throughout July and August. I'm really looking forward to it. After my session with him tonight, my thighs feel like jell-o. You should see me try to walk up or down the stairs now. I can't wait to see how bad it is come morning. (Please note that I say this with lots of sarcasm.)
I've decided it's time to release my unpublished posts. And let me just say this, I'm not looking for sympathy in publishing those posts. I just feel that they are very much a part of my journey, and now I'm ready to publish them. The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
Weight as of this morning was 192.2. I'm still staying in the same range. I consider that some success. I haven't gained any back, but haven't lost any more. I haven't been trying to lately, either.
There's been a lot going on for us lately. Hubs is working a lot at his second job. School's out for summer. Family drama. You name it, it's been keeping up busy and/or stressed.
I won't go into the family drama, but it all came to a head again just two days ago. It was a very stressfull night to say the least. Stress is not good for the body.
School's out for summer and we've been busy doing activities. We've been taking advantage of free (or mostly free) crafts at local stores. This is awesome for my older child. She's done a lot of cool crafts so far and we haven't even touched on the crafts we have on our summer to-do list for at home. We have also been taking advantage of the AMF summer bowling for kids. We've done a lot of bowling...and unfortunately a lot of soda drinking and junk food eating too. Not good! Lol.
I've started going to the gym again. Yay! I went on Monday night and walked/jogged for about 15 minutes. I then did 15 minutes on the elliptical and felt like I was going to die. Ok, not really, but I did feel rough. I went back to the gym on Tuesday night. I was so proud of myself because I didn't even leave the house for the gym until 9pm (and the gym is 20 minutes away). Long story short, family drama happened and I only exercised for 5 minutes before I had to leave. I didn't bother going last night because I just didn't feel like it and I also knew that I would definitely be going tonight.
So tonight I went to the gym and got my butt kicked by a trainer, Daniel. I have to say, so far I love working out with Daniel. I never felt it really click when I worked out with Jeff. I'm also using a different location of my gym. They're both about 20 minutes away from my house (in two different directions) and I really like this location much better. They have a lot more cardio equipment and I just like the overall vibe there better. Honestly, working out with Daniel was a fluke. He just happened to chat me up on Monday night when I went in and after hearing about my feelings about the training experience at the other location, he decided to work me out tonight.
My sister and I had signed up for 24 sessions with a trainer for a rate to be paid over 3 months time and 2 sessions per week. We finished paying for them back in April. We used a bunch of sessions (not sure exactly how many) but due to Jeff not billing them out, we were left with 17 sessions on the books. My sister gave me the rest of the sessions to use since she's moving out of state in about a week, so I will be working out with Daniel for those 17 sessions throughout July and August. I'm really looking forward to it. After my session with him tonight, my thighs feel like jell-o. You should see me try to walk up or down the stairs now. I can't wait to see how bad it is come morning. (Please note that I say this with lots of sarcasm.)
I've decided it's time to release my unpublished posts. And let me just say this, I'm not looking for sympathy in publishing those posts. I just feel that they are very much a part of my journey, and now I'm ready to publish them. The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Monday, 06/06/11
Back on the wagon today, for the most part. Lol. I'm not shooting to jump back in full tilt since I've been in no way following healthy habits the past few weeks.
Today's weight is 191.8 lbs. Yay! I didn't gain weight during this hiatus. This makes me very happy.
My goals for this week are as follows: 1) Drink 64 ounces of water or sugar-free drink mix. (Water is better, but I've hardly been drinking most days, so I just need to get in the habit of drinking more and then switch it over to plain water again.) 2) Get in 30 minutes of activity, any activity, per day for at least 5/7 days. That's it. Those are my goals for this week. Simple enough that I should be able to do it. I'm really hoping I'm motivated enough to follow through with them. Wish me luck!
*****
I was successful with my goals for today. I managed to get in 64 ounces of water and sugar-free drinks. I also managed to get in about 30 minutes of activity. Definitely not the kind of activity I had planned on doing, but movement none-the-less. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'm hoping to do well again.
Today's weight is 191.8 lbs. Yay! I didn't gain weight during this hiatus. This makes me very happy.
My goals for this week are as follows: 1) Drink 64 ounces of water or sugar-free drink mix. (Water is better, but I've hardly been drinking most days, so I just need to get in the habit of drinking more and then switch it over to plain water again.) 2) Get in 30 minutes of activity, any activity, per day for at least 5/7 days. That's it. Those are my goals for this week. Simple enough that I should be able to do it. I'm really hoping I'm motivated enough to follow through with them. Wish me luck!
*****
I was successful with my goals for today. I managed to get in 64 ounces of water and sugar-free drinks. I also managed to get in about 30 minutes of activity. Definitely not the kind of activity I had planned on doing, but movement none-the-less. Tomorrow's a new day, and I'm hoping to do well again.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Sunday, 06/05/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
So I had my follow-up appointments on Thursday and Friday. Thursday I went to the hospital's outpatient testing facility to have the follow-up ultrasound done. I had to go to the hospital because my OB's office's ultrasound tech was now on vacation. So I went, had the ultrasound, answered questions, and went home. I then went to the OB's on Friday to get the test results - basically it was to find out if I needed a D&C. I will admit that I got pissy with them because after waiting in the lobby for a half an hour, with my 21 month old son, I got called back just for "You have a balance of $3 from your labwork. Are you ready to pay that?" Um, no. I could care less that I owe you three dollars and I'm not paying you until I see the breakdown from my insurance company. And when I tell the lady this she tells me "You should have already gotten that from your insurance company." Um, no I didn't, or else I wouldn't have said that. Stupid woman. She then tells me to go back out into the lobby and the nurse will get me to take my vitals. I got even more annoyed with her. I don't care about my vitals if I'm just getting test results. And the dumb woman was wrong anyways. I get pulled by the intake nurse to be asked one dumb question and then sent to have my blood pressure checked. All the while, my son is getting annoyed that I'm dragging him from room to room. I'm annoyed by this fact too. I like this OB, but I hate how they flow their patients around. So I had my BP checked and was sent back to the waiting room. Then comes the OB's nurse and off to an exam room. Told to undress for a check. Um, no. Not until it's explained to me why they are doing a check without telling me the results first. So good news is that on the ultrasound it showed everything was all clear. Yay! So the OB wanted to do a check to make sure everything looked normal since I still had some bleeding. Ok, I can handle that. Everything looked good. Then I'm sent to the lab to have blood drawn. So from the time I got to the OB's office, I bounced around from place to place. This is a stupid system and very aggravating if you're already not in a good mood. Luckily I shouldn't have to go back again and if I do, it's just for a blood draw and nothing else. Yay! Finally moving on from this crap.
*****
So I had my follow-up appointments on Thursday and Friday. Thursday I went to the hospital's outpatient testing facility to have the follow-up ultrasound done. I had to go to the hospital because my OB's office's ultrasound tech was now on vacation. So I went, had the ultrasound, answered questions, and went home. I then went to the OB's on Friday to get the test results - basically it was to find out if I needed a D&C. I will admit that I got pissy with them because after waiting in the lobby for a half an hour, with my 21 month old son, I got called back just for "You have a balance of $3 from your labwork. Are you ready to pay that?" Um, no. I could care less that I owe you three dollars and I'm not paying you until I see the breakdown from my insurance company. And when I tell the lady this she tells me "You should have already gotten that from your insurance company." Um, no I didn't, or else I wouldn't have said that. Stupid woman. She then tells me to go back out into the lobby and the nurse will get me to take my vitals. I got even more annoyed with her. I don't care about my vitals if I'm just getting test results. And the dumb woman was wrong anyways. I get pulled by the intake nurse to be asked one dumb question and then sent to have my blood pressure checked. All the while, my son is getting annoyed that I'm dragging him from room to room. I'm annoyed by this fact too. I like this OB, but I hate how they flow their patients around. So I had my BP checked and was sent back to the waiting room. Then comes the OB's nurse and off to an exam room. Told to undress for a check. Um, no. Not until it's explained to me why they are doing a check without telling me the results first. So good news is that on the ultrasound it showed everything was all clear. Yay! So the OB wanted to do a check to make sure everything looked normal since I still had some bleeding. Ok, I can handle that. Everything looked good. Then I'm sent to the lab to have blood drawn. So from the time I got to the OB's office, I bounced around from place to place. This is a stupid system and very aggravating if you're already not in a good mood. Luckily I shouldn't have to go back again and if I do, it's just for a blood draw and nothing else. Yay! Finally moving on from this crap.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Sunday, 05/29/11
Just a short post to say that I'll be resuming my journey and active posting on Monday, June 6th. I haven't gained any weight, (yay!), but I haven't lost any either. I will have my work cut out for me, but I'm okay with that. Wish me luck as I continue my journey!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, 05/28/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
So there's not a whole lot to say really. I did want to touch on the fact that in my last post I mentioned that I would rather take the misoprostol instead of a D&C, citing the fact that a D&C is a procedure used in early abortions. After I completed that post, I decided I should come back to touch up on that considering that misoprostol is "the abortion pill". Yes, misoprostol is also used for extremely early abortions also, but it's also not a physically invasive method. I, personally, don't agree with abortion except in certain circumstances and situations. I'm not going to go into my beliefs about abortions though. I am going to say that the relation to abortions is not my only reason for wanting to avoid a D&C. It's a very physically invasive procedure, and considering I already have a lot of physical issues with my female parts, I'm not going to allow a procedure that could cause me further issues, unless it's absolutely necessary for my health. So, having made that clear, I feel much better. :)
*****
So there's not a whole lot to say really. I did want to touch on the fact that in my last post I mentioned that I would rather take the misoprostol instead of a D&C, citing the fact that a D&C is a procedure used in early abortions. After I completed that post, I decided I should come back to touch up on that considering that misoprostol is "the abortion pill". Yes, misoprostol is also used for extremely early abortions also, but it's also not a physically invasive method. I, personally, don't agree with abortion except in certain circumstances and situations. I'm not going to go into my beliefs about abortions though. I am going to say that the relation to abortions is not my only reason for wanting to avoid a D&C. It's a very physically invasive procedure, and considering I already have a lot of physical issues with my female parts, I'm not going to allow a procedure that could cause me further issues, unless it's absolutely necessary for my health. So, having made that clear, I feel much better. :)
Monday, May 23, 2011
Monday, 05/23/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
So I had lots to say the other day (Friday) but didn't have the time to sit down and write it out and now it seems that I'm semi-blank. Don't worry though, give me a minute and it'll all start rolling out of me. Lol.
So Friday I had my follow-up appointment to "confirm" the miscarriage. Personally I don't really feel right calling it a miscarriage at this point. I no longer feel like I lost a pregnancy but more like I feel like my body's betraying me. I don't feel any grief and honestly I thought about going back and editing the posts that I have already written to take out the whole "grieving" parts, but I feel right in doing so, I would be saying that my feelings during that short time weren't valid, when they were. I just don't agree or validate those feelings any longer. I felt that way in the time but I feel completely opposite now. You could say that my "logical" side has kicked in finally. Took a bit longer than normal, but logic is what's driving me. So having said that, logic tells me that there never was a baby growing so there's nothing to grieve over. My first miscarriage was definitely hard because there was a living fetus with a heartbeat that I had seen, that died. This time around, there never was a fetus, so there's no reason to grieve. Like I have said in the past, I don't process things through emotions so much as I do logic and this is normal for me.
I did grieve. I had to. You grieve for the idea of what may have been. But honestly, God has a plan for all of us and we just have to trust that he knows what he's doing and that all will be as it should be in the end. I am not a deeply religious person, but I do have faith. And my faith tells me to trust in Him. And I do. Times like this just prove why you have to. I am a big believer in Fate. We have paths that are layed before us that are affected by choices that we make (or are made for us) and that in the end, it's all as it should be. I'll leave the faith talk at that. So here I am - no longer grieving. I'm not sad when I see pregnant people or babies. I'm okay. I promise.
But I am mad. I'm mad because I feel like my body's failed me. Not in the sense that it didn't successfully grow the baby it should have, but the fact that it can't (or won't) do what it's supposed to. That despite my body starting to bleed and "flush" three days prior, as of Friday it showed no signs of cleansing itself of the embryonic sac. How frustrating is that? I don't feel like a D&C is right for me. I don't. I know it's pretty routine now, but I just don't feel that a procedure that's that invasive to your body (and also the same procedure used in early abortions) is right for me unless it's an absolute last resort, that honestly could be a life or death decision (for me). I refuse to do it unless it's to that point. I know that most people don't/won't agree with this thinking, but it feels absolutely wrong to me. It's not natural (granted a lot of things aren't) but it's more than that. It's the SAME PROCEDURE USED FOR ABORTIONS. This fact alone stirs up the feeling of "this isn't right, don't do it". But it's also more than that. It's the fact that they force your cervix open (if it's not already open) and then proceed. That's another thing that just screams "DON'T DO IT!!!!" to me.
Now don't get me wrong, last night I was wavering on my convictions about this. But more so for the fact of simplifying things. As it stands, I'm supposed to take a prescription for misoprostol tomorrow night. Why tomorrow night and not right away? Well...my OB's practice doesn't use misoprostol, they just automatically do a D&C. My OB even asked if he could prescribe it for me because I was asking for it and knew the risks (excessive bleeding to the point I might need to go to the ER). They said no, they don't do it. My OB realized (without me saying so) that I was basically going to look elsewhere for this option and he decided to compromise with me. He wrote the prescription with the promise that I wouldn't take it until Tuesday night so that if I did have a bad reaction and did end up needing to go to the ER due to excessive bleeding, that he would be the OB on call and would be responsible for me. I have much respect for a doctor that's willing to do what's best for his/her patient even though it goes against what others tell them to do. I knew I liked my OB. :) So following the misoprostol, I have a follow-up ultrasound at the hospital on June 2nd (at the hospital because my OB's office's ultrasound tech will be on vacation for over a week) and then follow up with my OB on the 3rd to check the results to see if my uterus is completely empty. If it's not, then I have to do a D&C because at that point my health will be at stake. I'm okay with this.
So I have mixed feelings. I haven't filled the prescription for the misoprostol yet. I probably should because last time around, my previous OB told me it might be hard to get filled quickly. It wasn't, but it could be. I'm hoping I won't have to take it, but I'm thinking I need to take it to play it "safe". I *think* I may have "flushed" everything out this morning, but it's hard to know. I wasn't going fishing in the toilet to find out. Yup, gross TMI post. Can't say I didn't warn you! So I'm debating with myself as to if I should get the prescription filled and take it tomorrow night. I guess I'll just have to see what feels right. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.
*****
So I had lots to say the other day (Friday) but didn't have the time to sit down and write it out and now it seems that I'm semi-blank. Don't worry though, give me a minute and it'll all start rolling out of me. Lol.
So Friday I had my follow-up appointment to "confirm" the miscarriage. Personally I don't really feel right calling it a miscarriage at this point. I no longer feel like I lost a pregnancy but more like I feel like my body's betraying me. I don't feel any grief and honestly I thought about going back and editing the posts that I have already written to take out the whole "grieving" parts, but I feel right in doing so, I would be saying that my feelings during that short time weren't valid, when they were. I just don't agree or validate those feelings any longer. I felt that way in the time but I feel completely opposite now. You could say that my "logical" side has kicked in finally. Took a bit longer than normal, but logic is what's driving me. So having said that, logic tells me that there never was a baby growing so there's nothing to grieve over. My first miscarriage was definitely hard because there was a living fetus with a heartbeat that I had seen, that died. This time around, there never was a fetus, so there's no reason to grieve. Like I have said in the past, I don't process things through emotions so much as I do logic and this is normal for me.
I did grieve. I had to. You grieve for the idea of what may have been. But honestly, God has a plan for all of us and we just have to trust that he knows what he's doing and that all will be as it should be in the end. I am not a deeply religious person, but I do have faith. And my faith tells me to trust in Him. And I do. Times like this just prove why you have to. I am a big believer in Fate. We have paths that are layed before us that are affected by choices that we make (or are made for us) and that in the end, it's all as it should be. I'll leave the faith talk at that. So here I am - no longer grieving. I'm not sad when I see pregnant people or babies. I'm okay. I promise.
But I am mad. I'm mad because I feel like my body's failed me. Not in the sense that it didn't successfully grow the baby it should have, but the fact that it can't (or won't) do what it's supposed to. That despite my body starting to bleed and "flush" three days prior, as of Friday it showed no signs of cleansing itself of the embryonic sac. How frustrating is that? I don't feel like a D&C is right for me. I don't. I know it's pretty routine now, but I just don't feel that a procedure that's that invasive to your body (and also the same procedure used in early abortions) is right for me unless it's an absolute last resort, that honestly could be a life or death decision (for me). I refuse to do it unless it's to that point. I know that most people don't/won't agree with this thinking, but it feels absolutely wrong to me. It's not natural (granted a lot of things aren't) but it's more than that. It's the SAME PROCEDURE USED FOR ABORTIONS. This fact alone stirs up the feeling of "this isn't right, don't do it". But it's also more than that. It's the fact that they force your cervix open (if it's not already open) and then proceed. That's another thing that just screams "DON'T DO IT!!!!" to me.
Now don't get me wrong, last night I was wavering on my convictions about this. But more so for the fact of simplifying things. As it stands, I'm supposed to take a prescription for misoprostol tomorrow night. Why tomorrow night and not right away? Well...my OB's practice doesn't use misoprostol, they just automatically do a D&C. My OB even asked if he could prescribe it for me because I was asking for it and knew the risks (excessive bleeding to the point I might need to go to the ER). They said no, they don't do it. My OB realized (without me saying so) that I was basically going to look elsewhere for this option and he decided to compromise with me. He wrote the prescription with the promise that I wouldn't take it until Tuesday night so that if I did have a bad reaction and did end up needing to go to the ER due to excessive bleeding, that he would be the OB on call and would be responsible for me. I have much respect for a doctor that's willing to do what's best for his/her patient even though it goes against what others tell them to do. I knew I liked my OB. :) So following the misoprostol, I have a follow-up ultrasound at the hospital on June 2nd (at the hospital because my OB's office's ultrasound tech will be on vacation for over a week) and then follow up with my OB on the 3rd to check the results to see if my uterus is completely empty. If it's not, then I have to do a D&C because at that point my health will be at stake. I'm okay with this.
So I have mixed feelings. I haven't filled the prescription for the misoprostol yet. I probably should because last time around, my previous OB told me it might be hard to get filled quickly. It wasn't, but it could be. I'm hoping I won't have to take it, but I'm thinking I need to take it to play it "safe". I *think* I may have "flushed" everything out this morning, but it's hard to know. I wasn't going fishing in the toilet to find out. Yup, gross TMI post. Can't say I didn't warn you! So I'm debating with myself as to if I should get the prescription filled and take it tomorrow night. I guess I'll just have to see what feels right. Wish me luck because I'm going to need it.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Wednesday, 05/18/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
I was doing okay today emotionally up until just a few minutes ago. It's been a physically rough day filled with lots of horrible back spasms/cramps off and on all day long. Hormones seemed to be okay and I didn't feel depressed or anything...until my mom called me.
I didn't answer when she called and just let her leave a message. I didn't want to talk to her unless I had to. Her message was that she needed to talk to me and to call her back. Unfortunately, with everything that's going on with other members of my extended family, and the empty message, I ended up calling her back to make sure it wasn't something that couldn't be ignored. It turns out that she (somehow) just realized that my doctor's appointment wasn't for this (coming up) Friday but had been for last Friday and wanted to know why I didn't call her like I had said I would. Well, I had told both my mom and sister that I would let them know after my appointment if it was a viable pregnancy or not. It's Wednesday evening and this is the first that either one of them has asked. I haven't talked to my sister since last Thursday, but I spoke to my mom on both Saturday and Sunday and she didn't ask. So anyways, I responded to her question with the fact that I didn't call because I didn't want to talk. Thankfully this alone was enough for her to realize it was bad news. I was very short and kind of curt with my answers and thankfully she got the hint that I didn't want to talk about it. Well, that and the fact that I told her there's nothing to talk about. I don't want to talk to her about it. She'd never understand the way I feel and so I don't see the point in talking about it with her.
Thankfully all she really said about it was that she was sorry. Thankfully none of the stupid things people say after a loss. And you know we're all guilty of saying something stupid to someone after they've experienced a loss. We've all had that dumb moment. Thankfully, this wasn't one of those. I don't think I could have handled that right now.
I feel a bit conflicted right now. I could tell that my mom wanted to talk to me, but knew not to push it (another thing I'm thankful for). I could also tell that she was sad and (what sounded like) starting to cry. I don't know why but this makes me mad. Like she doesn't have the right to be sad enough to cry. I don't know, it's hard to explain. It's irrational. It's grief. Grief is never rational. So I feel conflicted that I felt irritated that she became sad.
So I was fine up until this phone call. I am an extremely private person and I don't share my vulnerabilities with many, and that includes close family. Hell, I still don't share them with my husband most of the time. It's nothing against him. I love him and I trust him, but that's just not me. This is just the way that I am. I don't put my vulnerabilities out there. I guess that comes from being in two emotionally abusive relationships in my younger years (one with a relative and one with a now former significant other). That's just my best guess though.
So yesterday was a horrible day for me emtionally. My hormones seemed to have gone crazy and I spent the first half of the day crying (or trying not to) for various reasons, and the second half I was moody and irritable at times combined with horrible back aches. I won't go further into how I felt yesterday mainly because at this point it's starting to become blurry.
I will say that I did decide yesterday that I am not going to worry or even think about my weight or journey for now. I'm going to keep an eye on on my weight and as long as I don't start gaining, then I'm not going to worry about any of it right now and just focus on healing the ache in my heart and soul. If I eat, I eat and I don't care if I'm healing with crappy food choices. I'm grieving and I don't care. I'm not letting myself go, but I am letting myself grieve in whatever way works for me. And right now that is by not worrying and obsessing and feeling guilty over everyting I eat or drink (or don't eat or drink). I have bigger things to focus on right now and that is healing.
It's hard for me to grieve and to even rationalize my grief. I am typically a very logic driven person and not an emtionally driven person as most people are. Logic tells me there's no real reason to grieve. I knew that miscarriage was a chance and that was the reason that 1) I waited until later to have a first OB appointment and 2) we didn't tell anyone I was pregnant. Logic also tells me that this time, unlike my last miscarriage, there wasn't actually a fetus to mourn. There never was a baby this time around. I'm mourning the "idea" of the pregnancy versus losing a pregnancy, or so it feels when I think about it. I don't know what hurts worse - the pregnancy that I lost a living fetus that died, or this one because I know that there never was anything developing to lose. Logic seems to be my own worst enemy this time around. Typically I grieve when someone is lost, but my "grief" is very brief. I mourn their loss, but I focus on celebrating their life. How can I mourn someone that never had a life to celebrate? Like I said, logic is not on my side this time and that's what makes this grieving process so much harder for me.
And then there's the feeling that your body has failed you. Any woman who has ever experienced a miscarriage has felt that their body has failed them. They wonder what they could have done better. They second guess everything they've done from the (unknown) moment of conception, and even before. Logically (there it is again) I knew from the moment of the positive pregnancy test that this pregnancy would have to be a miracle to be a viable and successful pregnancy. So for me my range of possible conception date was from March 18th to March 26th. On March 25th I had a pelvic x-ray for my lower back. On March 28th I had a shot of cortisone. On March 29th I started a 16 day dose of prednisone that I finished on April 13th. Between the 29th of March and the time I got the positive pregnancy test I had taken high doses of both tylenol and ibuprofen daily. I got my BFP on the 17th of April. So like I said, I knew the deck was stacked against this pregnancy from the start. That doesn't make me feel any better though.
*****
I was doing okay today emotionally up until just a few minutes ago. It's been a physically rough day filled with lots of horrible back spasms/cramps off and on all day long. Hormones seemed to be okay and I didn't feel depressed or anything...until my mom called me.
I didn't answer when she called and just let her leave a message. I didn't want to talk to her unless I had to. Her message was that she needed to talk to me and to call her back. Unfortunately, with everything that's going on with other members of my extended family, and the empty message, I ended up calling her back to make sure it wasn't something that couldn't be ignored. It turns out that she (somehow) just realized that my doctor's appointment wasn't for this (coming up) Friday but had been for last Friday and wanted to know why I didn't call her like I had said I would. Well, I had told both my mom and sister that I would let them know after my appointment if it was a viable pregnancy or not. It's Wednesday evening and this is the first that either one of them has asked. I haven't talked to my sister since last Thursday, but I spoke to my mom on both Saturday and Sunday and she didn't ask. So anyways, I responded to her question with the fact that I didn't call because I didn't want to talk. Thankfully this alone was enough for her to realize it was bad news. I was very short and kind of curt with my answers and thankfully she got the hint that I didn't want to talk about it. Well, that and the fact that I told her there's nothing to talk about. I don't want to talk to her about it. She'd never understand the way I feel and so I don't see the point in talking about it with her.
Thankfully all she really said about it was that she was sorry. Thankfully none of the stupid things people say after a loss. And you know we're all guilty of saying something stupid to someone after they've experienced a loss. We've all had that dumb moment. Thankfully, this wasn't one of those. I don't think I could have handled that right now.
I feel a bit conflicted right now. I could tell that my mom wanted to talk to me, but knew not to push it (another thing I'm thankful for). I could also tell that she was sad and (what sounded like) starting to cry. I don't know why but this makes me mad. Like she doesn't have the right to be sad enough to cry. I don't know, it's hard to explain. It's irrational. It's grief. Grief is never rational. So I feel conflicted that I felt irritated that she became sad.
So I was fine up until this phone call. I am an extremely private person and I don't share my vulnerabilities with many, and that includes close family. Hell, I still don't share them with my husband most of the time. It's nothing against him. I love him and I trust him, but that's just not me. This is just the way that I am. I don't put my vulnerabilities out there. I guess that comes from being in two emotionally abusive relationships in my younger years (one with a relative and one with a now former significant other). That's just my best guess though.
So yesterday was a horrible day for me emtionally. My hormones seemed to have gone crazy and I spent the first half of the day crying (or trying not to) for various reasons, and the second half I was moody and irritable at times combined with horrible back aches. I won't go further into how I felt yesterday mainly because at this point it's starting to become blurry.
I will say that I did decide yesterday that I am not going to worry or even think about my weight or journey for now. I'm going to keep an eye on on my weight and as long as I don't start gaining, then I'm not going to worry about any of it right now and just focus on healing the ache in my heart and soul. If I eat, I eat and I don't care if I'm healing with crappy food choices. I'm grieving and I don't care. I'm not letting myself go, but I am letting myself grieve in whatever way works for me. And right now that is by not worrying and obsessing and feeling guilty over everyting I eat or drink (or don't eat or drink). I have bigger things to focus on right now and that is healing.
It's hard for me to grieve and to even rationalize my grief. I am typically a very logic driven person and not an emtionally driven person as most people are. Logic tells me there's no real reason to grieve. I knew that miscarriage was a chance and that was the reason that 1) I waited until later to have a first OB appointment and 2) we didn't tell anyone I was pregnant. Logic also tells me that this time, unlike my last miscarriage, there wasn't actually a fetus to mourn. There never was a baby this time around. I'm mourning the "idea" of the pregnancy versus losing a pregnancy, or so it feels when I think about it. I don't know what hurts worse - the pregnancy that I lost a living fetus that died, or this one because I know that there never was anything developing to lose. Logic seems to be my own worst enemy this time around. Typically I grieve when someone is lost, but my "grief" is very brief. I mourn their loss, but I focus on celebrating their life. How can I mourn someone that never had a life to celebrate? Like I said, logic is not on my side this time and that's what makes this grieving process so much harder for me.
And then there's the feeling that your body has failed you. Any woman who has ever experienced a miscarriage has felt that their body has failed them. They wonder what they could have done better. They second guess everything they've done from the (unknown) moment of conception, and even before. Logically (there it is again) I knew from the moment of the positive pregnancy test that this pregnancy would have to be a miracle to be a viable and successful pregnancy. So for me my range of possible conception date was from March 18th to March 26th. On March 25th I had a pelvic x-ray for my lower back. On March 28th I had a shot of cortisone. On March 29th I started a 16 day dose of prednisone that I finished on April 13th. Between the 29th of March and the time I got the positive pregnancy test I had taken high doses of both tylenol and ibuprofen daily. I got my BFP on the 17th of April. So like I said, I knew the deck was stacked against this pregnancy from the start. That doesn't make me feel any better though.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Monday, 05/16/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
I feel okay. I don't feel depressed. I'm just waiting for all of this to be over with. Just hoping that nature will take it's course on it's own. I know that D&C's have become quite routine, but for me, that's the last option. I don't feel that it would be a good choice for me and my body. Like I said, just hoping nature will do it's thing before Friday.
I feel okay emotionally but physically I just don't feel right. I feel blah and still don't want to eat most of the time. The hubs and I are still dealing with fallout from close family members that we entered into a financial arrangement with that was supposed to be mutually beneficial to all parties involved. We're still dealing with the fallout and backlash from this poor decision. Everything should be fine soon, but not for another couple of weeks. I also was told today (in a casual conversation) that apparently I won't be watching my niece here soon because (among other reasons) I'm pregnant. I was so pissed off at the person telling me this that I told him/her that I'm not pregnant, that I had a miscarriage. First time I've spoken those words aloud to anyone and it's the last damn person I would have chosen. I had to fight from telling him/her to take my niece and leave because if I'm not good enough to keep watching her if I have another child, then I don't care to help them out and watch her now. It took all of my will not to shove them out the door. I feel used. I feel like the only reason I'm watching her is because it was convenient and not because they trust or prefer her being with me. I offered to watch her so that her parents could trust who she was with while they were working. I now just feel used. I'm tired of "helping" people out and just ending up feeling used in the end and not appreciated.
So before all this happened this morning, I was off to a good start. I took my vitamins, started drinking my water and had eaten a decent breakfast. After all this stupid crap this morning, I didn't eat lunch and as of right now haven't eaten dinner (7:30pm). I have, however, ate too many Pringles, some more of my mocha thing from DQ and some random chocolate chips here and there.
I really find it ironic that while I'm dissapointed in suffering another miscarriage, that it's this family drama stuff that's upsetting me. The hubs and I have both come to the agreement that we won't be helping any family with anything anytime soon. We're tired of getting used and burned by those we help out. Unfortunately, we can't breathe a sigh of relief until this crap settles (at least on our end of it) for another couple of weeks. For us though (I can't speak for the other parties and their plans), there's finally a secure plan in place and we're not fretting with worry all the time. I can't wait until it stops affecting our day to day life with stress.
By the way, I haven't exercised today, and I think I'm going to wait until after the miscarriage is complete to get moving really. So, no clue when that will be, but probably another week or two for sure. I'll just focus on eating well as much as possible.
*****
I feel okay. I don't feel depressed. I'm just waiting for all of this to be over with. Just hoping that nature will take it's course on it's own. I know that D&C's have become quite routine, but for me, that's the last option. I don't feel that it would be a good choice for me and my body. Like I said, just hoping nature will do it's thing before Friday.
I feel okay emotionally but physically I just don't feel right. I feel blah and still don't want to eat most of the time. The hubs and I are still dealing with fallout from close family members that we entered into a financial arrangement with that was supposed to be mutually beneficial to all parties involved. We're still dealing with the fallout and backlash from this poor decision. Everything should be fine soon, but not for another couple of weeks. I also was told today (in a casual conversation) that apparently I won't be watching my niece here soon because (among other reasons) I'm pregnant. I was so pissed off at the person telling me this that I told him/her that I'm not pregnant, that I had a miscarriage. First time I've spoken those words aloud to anyone and it's the last damn person I would have chosen. I had to fight from telling him/her to take my niece and leave because if I'm not good enough to keep watching her if I have another child, then I don't care to help them out and watch her now. It took all of my will not to shove them out the door. I feel used. I feel like the only reason I'm watching her is because it was convenient and not because they trust or prefer her being with me. I offered to watch her so that her parents could trust who she was with while they were working. I now just feel used. I'm tired of "helping" people out and just ending up feeling used in the end and not appreciated.
So before all this happened this morning, I was off to a good start. I took my vitamins, started drinking my water and had eaten a decent breakfast. After all this stupid crap this morning, I didn't eat lunch and as of right now haven't eaten dinner (7:30pm). I have, however, ate too many Pringles, some more of my mocha thing from DQ and some random chocolate chips here and there.
I really find it ironic that while I'm dissapointed in suffering another miscarriage, that it's this family drama stuff that's upsetting me. The hubs and I have both come to the agreement that we won't be helping any family with anything anytime soon. We're tired of getting used and burned by those we help out. Unfortunately, we can't breathe a sigh of relief until this crap settles (at least on our end of it) for another couple of weeks. For us though (I can't speak for the other parties and their plans), there's finally a secure plan in place and we're not fretting with worry all the time. I can't wait until it stops affecting our day to day life with stress.
By the way, I haven't exercised today, and I think I'm going to wait until after the miscarriage is complete to get moving really. So, no clue when that will be, but probably another week or two for sure. I'll just focus on eating well as much as possible.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Sunday, 05/15/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
192.8 was my weight this morning. It's a good number. It means that I didn't gain any weight while eating poorly for the past month. This is good.
So today has been a family day. The hubs cooked breakfast for the family: pancakes, bacon and eggs. Yum! I had my two pancakes with sugar-free syrup (like I always do) and two pieces of bacon and some scrambled eggs (about the amount of 2 eggs) with a glass of milk. Overall, not a bad breakfast. Skipped lunch since breakfast was around 11:30am. Dinner's about to be a chicken fried rice meal kit. Yup, one of those bad for you meals in a box. Oh well. It's lower calorie and it's a hit with three out of four in the household. I did snack on some Pringles and two fruit strips (45 calories each). So I'm not eating horribly, but it could be improved on. Oh, I should say I didn't do bad until we hit up Dairy Queen. Lol. Dairy Queen is a rare treat for us so I don't mind splurging.
We continued the family time by taking the kids to the beach. The temperature was about 80 degrees with a forecast of scattered thunderstorms although there wasn't a storm/rain cloud in sight until around 3pm. So off we went to the beach. It was nice. We walked along and the kids played in the water (just their legs because the water's still freezing) and the sand. It was a nice relaxing day. We had planned to follow this with an ice cream cone from McDonald's but their machine wasn't working so we headed to Dairy Queen. I wasn't able to order what I had asked for (they apparently were out of several items) and ended up with an Oreo brownie sundae. Yummy but oh so bad for you. I also order a mocha something or other. Lol. I had a couple sips of that and it's currently in the freezer to be enjoyed at a later time.
No exercise for today, but that's okay because I didn't plan on getting any in today. Like I said earlier, we did some walking around on the beach. Casual, but movement none-the-less.
I'm doing okay emotionally. It still sucks and I still have to tell my mom and my sister the news. They're the only people who knew other than the hubs' coworkers (he told them because he needed time off for me to go to the doctor). I've talked to my mom twice since I went to the doctor and she hasn't brought it up and neither have I. She knew I had the appointment on Friday morning, so I'm assuming that she isn't asking because she suspects it was bad news and I'll tell her when I'm ready. I haven't talked to my sister either and she also knew about the appointment. I'm assuming the same thing with her. I'm really hoping that neither one of them asks me about it right now because I just don't feel like talking about it. I feel fine. I don't feel depressed. I just don't want to talk about it. I've had my crying and getting upset and I've moved on. Dwelling on it won't change anything. Sometimes you just have to have faith that there's a bigger picture in play that we just can't see the next part of it and have faith that it will be what it's supposed to be.
My goals for this week are: Drink 64 ounces of water each day. Limit myself to one soda per day (I've been splurging lately due to what I would assume is hormones). Try to fit in 30 minutes of activity per day. Any sort of activity will do. Starting back small and going from there.
*****
192.8 was my weight this morning. It's a good number. It means that I didn't gain any weight while eating poorly for the past month. This is good.
So today has been a family day. The hubs cooked breakfast for the family: pancakes, bacon and eggs. Yum! I had my two pancakes with sugar-free syrup (like I always do) and two pieces of bacon and some scrambled eggs (about the amount of 2 eggs) with a glass of milk. Overall, not a bad breakfast. Skipped lunch since breakfast was around 11:30am. Dinner's about to be a chicken fried rice meal kit. Yup, one of those bad for you meals in a box. Oh well. It's lower calorie and it's a hit with three out of four in the household. I did snack on some Pringles and two fruit strips (45 calories each). So I'm not eating horribly, but it could be improved on. Oh, I should say I didn't do bad until we hit up Dairy Queen. Lol. Dairy Queen is a rare treat for us so I don't mind splurging.
We continued the family time by taking the kids to the beach. The temperature was about 80 degrees with a forecast of scattered thunderstorms although there wasn't a storm/rain cloud in sight until around 3pm. So off we went to the beach. It was nice. We walked along and the kids played in the water (just their legs because the water's still freezing) and the sand. It was a nice relaxing day. We had planned to follow this with an ice cream cone from McDonald's but their machine wasn't working so we headed to Dairy Queen. I wasn't able to order what I had asked for (they apparently were out of several items) and ended up with an Oreo brownie sundae. Yummy but oh so bad for you. I also order a mocha something or other. Lol. I had a couple sips of that and it's currently in the freezer to be enjoyed at a later time.
No exercise for today, but that's okay because I didn't plan on getting any in today. Like I said earlier, we did some walking around on the beach. Casual, but movement none-the-less.
I'm doing okay emotionally. It still sucks and I still have to tell my mom and my sister the news. They're the only people who knew other than the hubs' coworkers (he told them because he needed time off for me to go to the doctor). I've talked to my mom twice since I went to the doctor and she hasn't brought it up and neither have I. She knew I had the appointment on Friday morning, so I'm assuming that she isn't asking because she suspects it was bad news and I'll tell her when I'm ready. I haven't talked to my sister either and she also knew about the appointment. I'm assuming the same thing with her. I'm really hoping that neither one of them asks me about it right now because I just don't feel like talking about it. I feel fine. I don't feel depressed. I just don't want to talk about it. I've had my crying and getting upset and I've moved on. Dwelling on it won't change anything. Sometimes you just have to have faith that there's a bigger picture in play that we just can't see the next part of it and have faith that it will be what it's supposed to be.
My goals for this week are: Drink 64 ounces of water each day. Limit myself to one soda per day (I've been splurging lately due to what I would assume is hormones). Try to fit in 30 minutes of activity per day. Any sort of activity will do. Starting back small and going from there.
NOTICE: Sunday, 05/15/11
Due to personal reasons, I'm still going to be blogging about my journey, but won't be actually posting them publicly for an undetermined amount of time. I'll post them publicly when I'm ready. They'll still be titled with the actual day they are written, but like I said, they won't be posted until a later time. I'm looking to post them pubically probably no later than 4 weeks from now.
Wish me luck continuing my journey during this time. And my current weight, as of this morning is 192.8 lbs. :)
Wish me luck continuing my journey during this time. And my current weight, as of this morning is 192.8 lbs. :)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Saturday, 05/14/11
WARNING: This post is not solely about my weight loss and health journey. This post contains personal information about a personal experience that has affected my journey. There may be information in this post that would be consider "TMI" but it has helped me to heal and move forward with my journey to better health. If you choose to continue to read this post, I would prefer not to hear anything but support (which is what I would prefer all the time). Thank you! (P.S. I'm not looking for sympathy in sharing this experience.) The posts about this experience start on 05/14/11 and end on 06/06/11.
*****
This post is being written on the date labeled but won't appear in published posts until a later date for reasons to be understood after reading. Also, this post has lot of personal information so you may not wish to read it.
Current weight: 193.0 today.
I haven't been actively tracking my weight, and I haven't taken measurements since 04/17/11 but am back to actively tracking. I also haven't been exercising or trying to lose any further weight. Honestly, I've been doing good to eat several meals a day versus not eating at all.
So you're probably asking yourself what happened to make all this change for me. Well, on the 17th of April I got a BFP (big fat positive) on a home pregnancy test. So I stopped "dieting", measuring and actively weighing. I've still been weighing, but haven't been "obsessed by the scale". I've kept an eye on it, but that's all. I was doing good to eat much since I had some food aversions. I would be fine, but then the sight or smell of a food would just make it unable for me to eat it. I also didn't have an appetite at all. I wasn't hungry at all, and it's hard to force yourself to eat when you're not hungry in the slightest. So I tried to make healthy choices, but honestly when it came down to it, if it got food in my belly, I ate it. Definitely not a lot of the best choices being made during this time.
Exercise was stopped. I have had a miscarriage in the past, and was paranoid and didn't want to do ANYTHING that might attribute to a possible miscarriage. So I didn't exercise at all despite having just gotten some new exercise dvds in the mail that I really wanted to try out.
I happened to find out that I was pregnant on the very same day that I was informed that there might be some possible drama with my daughter and that was stressful. AND on top of that, on that very same evening as both of those things, my daughter happened to say that she didn't want us to have any more children beyond her and my son. That our family was perfect the way that it was. Talk about being stressed out. I didn't even tell my husband for almost a week because I didn't want him to know I was pregnant in case I had a miscarriage again. I didn't want to break his heart if it went south. I was planning to shoulder the burden (if it came to that) all by myself to save him from hurting. I had all of these things stressing me out and I caved in and told him almost a week after I found out.
So this brings me now to the present. I put off going to the doctor after finding out I was pregnant because I didn't want to go through the crap that I went through during the first trimester for my last two pregnancies (my son, and the miscarriage I had before him at around 10 weeks). There was a lot of stress and drama with those two pregnancies. The miscarriage pregnancy, I went in around 8 weeks and they did a basic checkup. To confirm dates they did an ultrasound within the next week. As far as I knew, everything was fine. We saw the heartbeat too. I started to spot (only two small spots of bright red blood) and called the doctor. I just knew. I was able to get my sister to come and watch my nephew (whom I was watching for my sister-in-law, and my daughter was at school) and off I went to the doctor to have an ultrasound. There was no longer a heartbeat. Talk about heartbreaking. I had options since it was a "missed" miscarraige. Wait for my body to realize it no longer carried a viable pregnancy and wait for it to expell the "products of conception" (they told me I could safely wait up to four weeks before my body might realize it needed to expell everything). I could have a D&C, or I could get some medication that they would put on my cervix to dilate it and cause my body to abort everything, followed by a dose of medication 12 hours later to tell my body to close back up. I chose the medication. I felt that it was the quickest and best option for me at the time. So I left the doctor's with a presciption and was told to call once I found a pharmacy that could fill it. I think I was able to go back the next day and have the medication placed so my body could expell everything. I then had to go back two weeks later to have my HCG hormone level tested to make sure it was back to normal and then I had to go back again in two more weeks to have some other medication prescribed so that my body would resume normal monthly cycles since it hadn't already done so on it's own. Talk about a long drawn out miscarriage. It broke my heart every time I had to keep going back to that OB's office and see all the happy chipper pregnant ladies. I found out after all of this that my first ultrasound had shown a heartbeat (as I saw), but it was "weak". A weak heartbeat is almost always an early signed of a failed pregnancy. I was livid that they didn't say anything. I would have rather have prepared for the worst and gotten the best, instead of having been relieved to see a heartbeat only to miscarry. Typically your rate of miscarriage drops down to very miniscule percentage after seeing/hearing a heartbeat.
The pregnancy that resulted in my son was a horrible and very stressful first trimester. I was paranoid about a miscarriage since my last pregnancy resulted in one. I went in to the OB's (same one I used for the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage) and they drew blood to test my HCG levels and progesterone levels. I went back a few days later to have the HCG level tested again to make sure it was still going up. Progesterone was "normal". My HCG levels were going up, so they did an ultrasound to just check things out. At this point I was thought to be about 6 weeks and they wanted to see if they could find a heartbeat. Instead I left there with a referral to the local hospital to have a high level ultrasound the following Monday (I believe it was Friday that I was in the OB's office) to rule out a suspected ectopic pregnancy. So not only wasn't there any confirmation of a healthy pregnancy, now there's a chance that the pregnancy might have to be aborted due to it being ectopic. That weekend was horrrible, only to be made worse by my sister having found out that she was (suprisingly) pregnant and she was nothing but bubbly about it (and yes, she knew what was going on with my pregnancy, but since her pregnancy was so unexpected it's believed that she was in her own little bubble while I was praying that I even had a viable pregnancy. I'll admit that I personally wanted to strangle her during this time). So I had the high level ultrasound at the hospital and had to wait until the next day to get the results through my OB. There was no sign of a heartbeat on the ultrasound at the hospital. I went to the OB's the next morning and got complained about to the doctor by the intake nurse because I was pissy with her when she took my weight and blood pressure. She was asking me how excited I was to be pregnant. I just wanted to smack the crap out of her because, as I told her, I was there to learn if my pregnancy was even viable or not. Don't they make notations in the chart or something? I finally get with the OB and come to find out, it's not ectopic, it was just a "shadow" the OB's ultrasound tech saw. I'm measuring about almost 6 weeks at this point. I'm scheduled to come back in two weeks to check for a heartbeat. At around 8 weeks, we have a nice strong heartbeat verified via ultrasound. I don't breathe the first sigh of relief until I make it past 10 weeks pregnant. I really don't relax until I'm almost 4 months pregnant and I can feel my baby moving around daily. Thankfully I have my wonderful son from this stressful pregnancy.
So this again brings me back to current. I got a postive pregnancy test on the 17th of April. I had no intentions of going to the doctor until a point where I could find out definitely if I had a viable pregnancy or not. I eventually scheduled an appointment for the 13th of May. I should be about 9-1/2 weeks along. I started spotting on the morning of the 13th. Nothing major, but as I tell the intake nurse, that was my only sign of a missed miscarriage with my second pregnancy. There was LOTS of back and forth, but they sent me in to the ultrasound tech. I didn't have to be told anything, I could see for myself. I have experienced another "missed" miscarriage. In my uterus I have an empty embryonic sac - no baby. Nothing. The tech's not allowed to say anything, and I didn't have to ask. I then go back to the intake nurse, which sends me to have my blood pressure checked and then I'm sent off to wait for my OB to be available. BTW, I switched OB's at around 6 months pregnant with my son, and the one I had at the end was wonderful. This is the OB I'm seeing on this day. I wait in the lobby (where they filter people between labs and seeing the doctor) and try not to think. I go to the OB's office and he talks to me and tries to say that there's a chance for hope. I ask him straightforward questions about the few things I have questions about. He follows this talk with a quick check of my cervix, which is closed. Good for a "hope" of a viable pregnancy, bad for a chance at a natural miscarriage. We follow this with a quick chat again and I have blood drawn to check the HCG level to see if meshes with the ultrasound. It won't. I would have to be only 3-4 weeks along at max for the ultrasound to show what it did and that's not possible since I tested positive just shy of 4 weeks ago. I go back on the 20th to have a follow-up ultrasound and then to have a D&C if my body hasn't taken care of things. My poor husband was told via text message while I was waiting to see the OB. I couldn't bring myself to have to tell him in person again. I leave and get to my car and cry. I am heartbroken that I have been unfortunate enough to now have had two miscarriages that would have been very much wanted pregnancies, and to make matters worse, missed miscarriages both times. I let myself cry and then compose myself. I start to drive home and breakdown again. I try to compose myself so that my husband won't worry about me when I get home. He's there watching our son. He's supposed to go in to work once I get home. I get home and despite trying to tell him that I'm okay, I start crying, which is rare. He hugs me and I ask him if I can lay down. He says he'll call work and I go upstairs to take a nap. I need to start this day over fresh. He comes up to check on me once and then I nap for a while. I get up in time to go pick up my daughter from school. My husband's doing okay. He did say he hung up on his coworker because they tried giving him a hard time about not coming in to work. He didn't get a chance to tell them why, he just hung up. He thinks they were probably just giving him a hard time, but he didn't want to deal with it. This tells me that this has upset him too. I apologize for not asking him how he was earlier. He says he's okay, but sad. Me too. I pick up my daughter from school and then we go to a movie. We went to see Rio. We all enjoyed it including our 20 month old son. We followed this with my daughter's belated birthday dinner at her favorite restaurant, Friendly's (her birthday was the weekend prior). We had planned all of this the night before, but it was a definite needed pick-me-up after the news of the morning.
So here I am, back to trying to be commited to getting in better health again. I'm going to start eating better, drinking more water and also exercising again. Now that I am not worried about miscarrying, exercise is a definite must.
*****
This post is being written on the date labeled but won't appear in published posts until a later date for reasons to be understood after reading. Also, this post has lot of personal information so you may not wish to read it.
Current weight: 193.0 today.
I haven't been actively tracking my weight, and I haven't taken measurements since 04/17/11 but am back to actively tracking. I also haven't been exercising or trying to lose any further weight. Honestly, I've been doing good to eat several meals a day versus not eating at all.
So you're probably asking yourself what happened to make all this change for me. Well, on the 17th of April I got a BFP (big fat positive) on a home pregnancy test. So I stopped "dieting", measuring and actively weighing. I've still been weighing, but haven't been "obsessed by the scale". I've kept an eye on it, but that's all. I was doing good to eat much since I had some food aversions. I would be fine, but then the sight or smell of a food would just make it unable for me to eat it. I also didn't have an appetite at all. I wasn't hungry at all, and it's hard to force yourself to eat when you're not hungry in the slightest. So I tried to make healthy choices, but honestly when it came down to it, if it got food in my belly, I ate it. Definitely not a lot of the best choices being made during this time.
Exercise was stopped. I have had a miscarriage in the past, and was paranoid and didn't want to do ANYTHING that might attribute to a possible miscarriage. So I didn't exercise at all despite having just gotten some new exercise dvds in the mail that I really wanted to try out.
I happened to find out that I was pregnant on the very same day that I was informed that there might be some possible drama with my daughter and that was stressful. AND on top of that, on that very same evening as both of those things, my daughter happened to say that she didn't want us to have any more children beyond her and my son. That our family was perfect the way that it was. Talk about being stressed out. I didn't even tell my husband for almost a week because I didn't want him to know I was pregnant in case I had a miscarriage again. I didn't want to break his heart if it went south. I was planning to shoulder the burden (if it came to that) all by myself to save him from hurting. I had all of these things stressing me out and I caved in and told him almost a week after I found out.
So this brings me now to the present. I put off going to the doctor after finding out I was pregnant because I didn't want to go through the crap that I went through during the first trimester for my last two pregnancies (my son, and the miscarriage I had before him at around 10 weeks). There was a lot of stress and drama with those two pregnancies. The miscarriage pregnancy, I went in around 8 weeks and they did a basic checkup. To confirm dates they did an ultrasound within the next week. As far as I knew, everything was fine. We saw the heartbeat too. I started to spot (only two small spots of bright red blood) and called the doctor. I just knew. I was able to get my sister to come and watch my nephew (whom I was watching for my sister-in-law, and my daughter was at school) and off I went to the doctor to have an ultrasound. There was no longer a heartbeat. Talk about heartbreaking. I had options since it was a "missed" miscarraige. Wait for my body to realize it no longer carried a viable pregnancy and wait for it to expell the "products of conception" (they told me I could safely wait up to four weeks before my body might realize it needed to expell everything). I could have a D&C, or I could get some medication that they would put on my cervix to dilate it and cause my body to abort everything, followed by a dose of medication 12 hours later to tell my body to close back up. I chose the medication. I felt that it was the quickest and best option for me at the time. So I left the doctor's with a presciption and was told to call once I found a pharmacy that could fill it. I think I was able to go back the next day and have the medication placed so my body could expell everything. I then had to go back two weeks later to have my HCG hormone level tested to make sure it was back to normal and then I had to go back again in two more weeks to have some other medication prescribed so that my body would resume normal monthly cycles since it hadn't already done so on it's own. Talk about a long drawn out miscarriage. It broke my heart every time I had to keep going back to that OB's office and see all the happy chipper pregnant ladies. I found out after all of this that my first ultrasound had shown a heartbeat (as I saw), but it was "weak". A weak heartbeat is almost always an early signed of a failed pregnancy. I was livid that they didn't say anything. I would have rather have prepared for the worst and gotten the best, instead of having been relieved to see a heartbeat only to miscarry. Typically your rate of miscarriage drops down to very miniscule percentage after seeing/hearing a heartbeat.
The pregnancy that resulted in my son was a horrible and very stressful first trimester. I was paranoid about a miscarriage since my last pregnancy resulted in one. I went in to the OB's (same one I used for the pregnancy that ended in miscarriage) and they drew blood to test my HCG levels and progesterone levels. I went back a few days later to have the HCG level tested again to make sure it was still going up. Progesterone was "normal". My HCG levels were going up, so they did an ultrasound to just check things out. At this point I was thought to be about 6 weeks and they wanted to see if they could find a heartbeat. Instead I left there with a referral to the local hospital to have a high level ultrasound the following Monday (I believe it was Friday that I was in the OB's office) to rule out a suspected ectopic pregnancy. So not only wasn't there any confirmation of a healthy pregnancy, now there's a chance that the pregnancy might have to be aborted due to it being ectopic. That weekend was horrrible, only to be made worse by my sister having found out that she was (suprisingly) pregnant and she was nothing but bubbly about it (and yes, she knew what was going on with my pregnancy, but since her pregnancy was so unexpected it's believed that she was in her own little bubble while I was praying that I even had a viable pregnancy. I'll admit that I personally wanted to strangle her during this time). So I had the high level ultrasound at the hospital and had to wait until the next day to get the results through my OB. There was no sign of a heartbeat on the ultrasound at the hospital. I went to the OB's the next morning and got complained about to the doctor by the intake nurse because I was pissy with her when she took my weight and blood pressure. She was asking me how excited I was to be pregnant. I just wanted to smack the crap out of her because, as I told her, I was there to learn if my pregnancy was even viable or not. Don't they make notations in the chart or something? I finally get with the OB and come to find out, it's not ectopic, it was just a "shadow" the OB's ultrasound tech saw. I'm measuring about almost 6 weeks at this point. I'm scheduled to come back in two weeks to check for a heartbeat. At around 8 weeks, we have a nice strong heartbeat verified via ultrasound. I don't breathe the first sigh of relief until I make it past 10 weeks pregnant. I really don't relax until I'm almost 4 months pregnant and I can feel my baby moving around daily. Thankfully I have my wonderful son from this stressful pregnancy.
So this again brings me back to current. I got a postive pregnancy test on the 17th of April. I had no intentions of going to the doctor until a point where I could find out definitely if I had a viable pregnancy or not. I eventually scheduled an appointment for the 13th of May. I should be about 9-1/2 weeks along. I started spotting on the morning of the 13th. Nothing major, but as I tell the intake nurse, that was my only sign of a missed miscarriage with my second pregnancy. There was LOTS of back and forth, but they sent me in to the ultrasound tech. I didn't have to be told anything, I could see for myself. I have experienced another "missed" miscarriage. In my uterus I have an empty embryonic sac - no baby. Nothing. The tech's not allowed to say anything, and I didn't have to ask. I then go back to the intake nurse, which sends me to have my blood pressure checked and then I'm sent off to wait for my OB to be available. BTW, I switched OB's at around 6 months pregnant with my son, and the one I had at the end was wonderful. This is the OB I'm seeing on this day. I wait in the lobby (where they filter people between labs and seeing the doctor) and try not to think. I go to the OB's office and he talks to me and tries to say that there's a chance for hope. I ask him straightforward questions about the few things I have questions about. He follows this talk with a quick check of my cervix, which is closed. Good for a "hope" of a viable pregnancy, bad for a chance at a natural miscarriage. We follow this with a quick chat again and I have blood drawn to check the HCG level to see if meshes with the ultrasound. It won't. I would have to be only 3-4 weeks along at max for the ultrasound to show what it did and that's not possible since I tested positive just shy of 4 weeks ago. I go back on the 20th to have a follow-up ultrasound and then to have a D&C if my body hasn't taken care of things. My poor husband was told via text message while I was waiting to see the OB. I couldn't bring myself to have to tell him in person again. I leave and get to my car and cry. I am heartbroken that I have been unfortunate enough to now have had two miscarriages that would have been very much wanted pregnancies, and to make matters worse, missed miscarriages both times. I let myself cry and then compose myself. I start to drive home and breakdown again. I try to compose myself so that my husband won't worry about me when I get home. He's there watching our son. He's supposed to go in to work once I get home. I get home and despite trying to tell him that I'm okay, I start crying, which is rare. He hugs me and I ask him if I can lay down. He says he'll call work and I go upstairs to take a nap. I need to start this day over fresh. He comes up to check on me once and then I nap for a while. I get up in time to go pick up my daughter from school. My husband's doing okay. He did say he hung up on his coworker because they tried giving him a hard time about not coming in to work. He didn't get a chance to tell them why, he just hung up. He thinks they were probably just giving him a hard time, but he didn't want to deal with it. This tells me that this has upset him too. I apologize for not asking him how he was earlier. He says he's okay, but sad. Me too. I pick up my daughter from school and then we go to a movie. We went to see Rio. We all enjoyed it including our 20 month old son. We followed this with my daughter's belated birthday dinner at her favorite restaurant, Friendly's (her birthday was the weekend prior). We had planned all of this the night before, but it was a definite needed pick-me-up after the news of the morning.
So here I am, back to trying to be commited to getting in better health again. I'm going to start eating better, drinking more water and also exercising again. Now that I am not worried about miscarrying, exercise is a definite must.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Monday, 05/02/11
I haven't been logging my food as diligently the past few days. And for the past week I haven't been eating as well. I haven't pigged out, but I haven't been tracking or really overely concerned with what I'm eating. It's more along the lines of making sure I'm eating. I'm not hungry. Nope, not hungry at all. And because of that, the thought of eating just isn't appealing. I know I need to eat, so I go and look and nothing looks appealing. So then I either don't eat, or just grab something, anything that happens to actually look appealing at the time. I'm not taking in enough calories per day, and I'm definitely not drinking enough water each day. I'm going to be working on that this week along with the eating. My appetite is returning so that should help out.
I haven't been active hardly at all. My lower back injury still hurts and in fact, it may hurt more now after taking the prednisone and cortisone than it did before. It has changed some in the way it hurts and where it hurts, but it hurts bad again. And the pain is radiating out to my hips fairly bad a lot of the time. I plan to go back to the doctor and see what they say, but there's a couple of things I have to take care of before I can do that.
I'm going to try to get some activity in each day this week. I'm shooting for 10 minutes and if I can do more then it will be a good day. I'm also shooting to drink at least 64 ounces of water or flavored (sugar-free) water each day. And also to eat three meals each day. Today I'm off to a bad start because I have already "skipped" breakfast.
I haven't been active hardly at all. My lower back injury still hurts and in fact, it may hurt more now after taking the prednisone and cortisone than it did before. It has changed some in the way it hurts and where it hurts, but it hurts bad again. And the pain is radiating out to my hips fairly bad a lot of the time. I plan to go back to the doctor and see what they say, but there's a couple of things I have to take care of before I can do that.
I'm going to try to get some activity in each day this week. I'm shooting for 10 minutes and if I can do more then it will be a good day. I'm also shooting to drink at least 64 ounces of water or flavored (sugar-free) water each day. And also to eat three meals each day. Today I'm off to a bad start because I have already "skipped" breakfast.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Monday, 04/18/11
My weight isn't budging, and I'm slacking on all efforts to make it budge. Today's weight was 195.4.
I haven't been to the gym since the incident and haven't put in much effort to try to exercise or be active outside of the gym.
My eating is okay, but could be improved on. We've gone out to eat a few times lately and I definitely splurged big time each time.
I haven't been to the gym since the incident and haven't put in much effort to try to exercise or be active outside of the gym.
My eating is okay, but could be improved on. We've gone out to eat a few times lately and I definitely splurged big time each time.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Wednesday, 04/13/11
Blah, blah, blah. That's how I feel. Blah!!!
Weight is the same, if not slightly higher depending on the day. Today it was 195.6. I'm okay with this because I have no one to blame but myself. I have been eating like a mad woman on crack the past few days. I blame hormones. Yup, I do. I have felt like I was starving, and have eaten a LOT. Even though most of it was good choices, it was a lot. I'm back to eating better today though and have a plan in place to stay on track for the next few days too. I have a well stocked fridge and freezer with foods to eat that are good choices.
Exercise. Hmm. I did ok for a few days, but the past three days have been very blah in that aspect. Friday I went for a 1.75 mile walk. Saturday I did a 1.36 mile walk. And on Sunday I did a 3.24 walk. Monday, Tuesday and today I've done nothing. I'm such a slacker and have no one to blame but myself.
Weight is the same, if not slightly higher depending on the day. Today it was 195.6. I'm okay with this because I have no one to blame but myself. I have been eating like a mad woman on crack the past few days. I blame hormones. Yup, I do. I have felt like I was starving, and have eaten a LOT. Even though most of it was good choices, it was a lot. I'm back to eating better today though and have a plan in place to stay on track for the next few days too. I have a well stocked fridge and freezer with foods to eat that are good choices.
Exercise. Hmm. I did ok for a few days, but the past three days have been very blah in that aspect. Friday I went for a 1.75 mile walk. Saturday I did a 1.36 mile walk. And on Sunday I did a 3.24 walk. Monday, Tuesday and today I've done nothing. I'm such a slacker and have no one to blame but myself.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Thursday, 04/07/11
Weight isn't budging right now but I'm okay with that. Today I weighed in at 194.0.
So it's been a crazy busy week for my household with lots going on. My husband's off of work from both jobs to get some much needed home repairs/improvements done while our friend is in town to help. Him being off of work has made my day to day schedule a bit different. My son and my niece are not getting along the greatest on a day to day basis. My son is starting to throw tantrums and scream and my niece, well, she's a whole 'nother story. She's a unique one, that girl. And this week she was a particularly moody child that was apparently not wanting to deal with my son. So between the two of them, I've had my hands full during the day.
I went to the gym Tuesday night for our session with the trainer, only that's not what I got. Long story short, my sister couldn't make it to the gym at the last minute, and I was a few minutes late due to a bad accident. After informing our trainer that my sister wasn't going to be able to make it, he just couldn't wrap his head around training only one of us because "it just doesn't feel right" and bailed on me. Yup, my trainer bailed. Told me he'd make it up to me, but it still pisses me off. This is a session that we paid for and I was there, and he bailed. Yet he ended on a note of "from now on I'm just going to train who ever's here". Then why the hell didn't he train me on Tuesday? I was mad and still am.
My sister was supposed to go to the gym tonight by herself to train because my daughter had a school function. I highly doubt that she went. And our trainer didn't expect her to show tonight when I talked to him on Tuesday.
So this week's been a different kind of week with exercising and eating. Tuesday night I went to the gym to do some strength training with the trainer, but instead I just ended up walking the indoor track for about 45 minutes. I was there to workout, and by golly, I did. I would have hopped on the elliptical, but my hips have been bothering me pretty bad and I knew I couldn't take that exercise that night. Wednesday I took took my kids for a 1.33 mile walk around our neighborhood. I tried to pop in a 10 minute dvd later on but had issues with the dvd player and gave up. Today I took my son and niece for a walk and did 3.25 miles looping in and around the neighborhood. I had planned to do an indoor walking dvd after getting home, but I ended up with a semi-permanent cramp in my right foot that just wouldn't go away. I'm going to shoot to take a walk on most days if the weather's decent.
Eating. Hmm. I've been eating fairly high calorie days the past few days. Most days ending with 2000-2300 calories. Not leaving me too much of a burn deficit to lose any weight, which is why I'm okay that the scale isn't budging. I've been really hungry and I refuse to starve myself. I've been making healthy choices and don't feel bad about my high calorie days. I've been eating TONS of fresh veggies and fruits as snacks and lots of protein too. In fact the protein has been a craving the past few days. I've had so many grilled chicken sandwiches the past several days, you'd think that I wouldn't want to see another piece of chicken any time soon.
So that's where I stand right now. I haven't lost any more weight. I'm eating high calorie days from feeling like I'm starving. And I'm finally starting to get myself moving during the day and outside of the gym. Progress in some form or another.
I've also gone in and delayed my next Nutrisystem order. I'm low on breakfast foods and desserts, but I have a ton of lunches and dinners left over. And on top of this, I also have a whole bunch of frozen meals in the freezer (Lean Cuisines, Healthy Choice, etc.). I'm just going to supplement breakfast cereals/bars into the breakfast category and same for desserts (if I feel I need them). I see no point in having more Nutrisystem foods sent right now especially since I don't eat them every day and I don't ever eat them for dinner.
Oh, and apparently since the last time I sent back a Netflix movie (it's been WAY too long) they've slowed down on their return and shipping out speed. I should finally be getting my first exercise dvd from Netflix tomorrow afternoon. Crossing my fingers!
So it's been a crazy busy week for my household with lots going on. My husband's off of work from both jobs to get some much needed home repairs/improvements done while our friend is in town to help. Him being off of work has made my day to day schedule a bit different. My son and my niece are not getting along the greatest on a day to day basis. My son is starting to throw tantrums and scream and my niece, well, she's a whole 'nother story. She's a unique one, that girl. And this week she was a particularly moody child that was apparently not wanting to deal with my son. So between the two of them, I've had my hands full during the day.
I went to the gym Tuesday night for our session with the trainer, only that's not what I got. Long story short, my sister couldn't make it to the gym at the last minute, and I was a few minutes late due to a bad accident. After informing our trainer that my sister wasn't going to be able to make it, he just couldn't wrap his head around training only one of us because "it just doesn't feel right" and bailed on me. Yup, my trainer bailed. Told me he'd make it up to me, but it still pisses me off. This is a session that we paid for and I was there, and he bailed. Yet he ended on a note of "from now on I'm just going to train who ever's here". Then why the hell didn't he train me on Tuesday? I was mad and still am.
My sister was supposed to go to the gym tonight by herself to train because my daughter had a school function. I highly doubt that she went. And our trainer didn't expect her to show tonight when I talked to him on Tuesday.
So this week's been a different kind of week with exercising and eating. Tuesday night I went to the gym to do some strength training with the trainer, but instead I just ended up walking the indoor track for about 45 minutes. I was there to workout, and by golly, I did. I would have hopped on the elliptical, but my hips have been bothering me pretty bad and I knew I couldn't take that exercise that night. Wednesday I took took my kids for a 1.33 mile walk around our neighborhood. I tried to pop in a 10 minute dvd later on but had issues with the dvd player and gave up. Today I took my son and niece for a walk and did 3.25 miles looping in and around the neighborhood. I had planned to do an indoor walking dvd after getting home, but I ended up with a semi-permanent cramp in my right foot that just wouldn't go away. I'm going to shoot to take a walk on most days if the weather's decent.
Eating. Hmm. I've been eating fairly high calorie days the past few days. Most days ending with 2000-2300 calories. Not leaving me too much of a burn deficit to lose any weight, which is why I'm okay that the scale isn't budging. I've been really hungry and I refuse to starve myself. I've been making healthy choices and don't feel bad about my high calorie days. I've been eating TONS of fresh veggies and fruits as snacks and lots of protein too. In fact the protein has been a craving the past few days. I've had so many grilled chicken sandwiches the past several days, you'd think that I wouldn't want to see another piece of chicken any time soon.
So that's where I stand right now. I haven't lost any more weight. I'm eating high calorie days from feeling like I'm starving. And I'm finally starting to get myself moving during the day and outside of the gym. Progress in some form or another.
I've also gone in and delayed my next Nutrisystem order. I'm low on breakfast foods and desserts, but I have a ton of lunches and dinners left over. And on top of this, I also have a whole bunch of frozen meals in the freezer (Lean Cuisines, Healthy Choice, etc.). I'm just going to supplement breakfast cereals/bars into the breakfast category and same for desserts (if I feel I need them). I see no point in having more Nutrisystem foods sent right now especially since I don't eat them every day and I don't ever eat them for dinner.
Oh, and apparently since the last time I sent back a Netflix movie (it's been WAY too long) they've slowed down on their return and shipping out speed. I should finally be getting my first exercise dvd from Netflix tomorrow afternoon. Crossing my fingers!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, 04/04/11
Updated my weekly weight/measurement page. I'm officially 194.0 today and have lost 16 inches. I'm pleased to say the least!
I'm wondering if my weight finally moving is due to me taking in more calories the past several day. My calorie intake was between 1900-2200. Yup, that high. The thought also crossed my mind that it might also be the green tea that I started drinking three days ago (the next day the weight finally budged again). I'm thinking the green tea is probably just a coincidence, but hey, it doesn't hurt! Lol.
I'm eating pretty well and making really good choices that I am happy with. The only "junk" I've really had is a Nutrisystem dessert or another "meal replacement" or "diet" junk food item at the end of the day. Last night it was a heavenly Skinny Cow Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Sandwich for only 160 calories.
I've been taking in lots more fruits and veggies lately, but I really think the key is the veggies. Fruit "costs" more calories than veggies, but then again veggies require dip (at least for me). Fruits have the added filling quality of the added water content, but veggies are solid with less calories. Hmm...
So I went grocery shopping yesterday and stocked up in the produce department. Lots of apples, grapes, cucumbers, cauliflower and TINY baby carrots to snack on. Yup, tiny baby carrots. That's the key for me. I'm okay with carrots if they're smaller. Apparently my store sells two types (same brand) of baby carrots side by side wtih the larger (and slightly more cost effective) bag having the larger baby carrots, and the smaller bag having the smaller/skinnier carrots. Ah ha! I realized this yesterday and bought two bags of the smaller carrots, and now I'm okay with carrots. I eat my veggies with the low-fat dip made from 16 ounces of reduced-fat sour cream and 1 packet of dry ranch dressing. The key is to make it at least a day ahead to let it "marinate". Yum! And only approximately 50 calories for 1/4 cup.
I did get some light activity in yesterday, but didn't get in 30 minutes. Something's better than nothing though. I'm still planning on working on this more this week. It would help if I could find my case with all of my exercise dvds in it. Somehow it's been misplaced and I'm not too happy about it. Hopefully I'll get an exercise dvd from Netflix tomorrow. Crossing my fingers!
I'm wondering if my weight finally moving is due to me taking in more calories the past several day. My calorie intake was between 1900-2200. Yup, that high. The thought also crossed my mind that it might also be the green tea that I started drinking three days ago (the next day the weight finally budged again). I'm thinking the green tea is probably just a coincidence, but hey, it doesn't hurt! Lol.
I'm eating pretty well and making really good choices that I am happy with. The only "junk" I've really had is a Nutrisystem dessert or another "meal replacement" or "diet" junk food item at the end of the day. Last night it was a heavenly Skinny Cow Cookies & Cream Ice Cream Sandwich for only 160 calories.
I've been taking in lots more fruits and veggies lately, but I really think the key is the veggies. Fruit "costs" more calories than veggies, but then again veggies require dip (at least for me). Fruits have the added filling quality of the added water content, but veggies are solid with less calories. Hmm...
So I went grocery shopping yesterday and stocked up in the produce department. Lots of apples, grapes, cucumbers, cauliflower and TINY baby carrots to snack on. Yup, tiny baby carrots. That's the key for me. I'm okay with carrots if they're smaller. Apparently my store sells two types (same brand) of baby carrots side by side wtih the larger (and slightly more cost effective) bag having the larger baby carrots, and the smaller bag having the smaller/skinnier carrots. Ah ha! I realized this yesterday and bought two bags of the smaller carrots, and now I'm okay with carrots. I eat my veggies with the low-fat dip made from 16 ounces of reduced-fat sour cream and 1 packet of dry ranch dressing. The key is to make it at least a day ahead to let it "marinate". Yum! And only approximately 50 calories for 1/4 cup.
I did get some light activity in yesterday, but didn't get in 30 minutes. Something's better than nothing though. I'm still planning on working on this more this week. It would help if I could find my case with all of my exercise dvds in it. Somehow it's been misplaced and I'm not too happy about it. Hopefully I'll get an exercise dvd from Netflix tomorrow. Crossing my fingers!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday, 04/02/11
Nice surprise again this morning when the scale read 193.4. Yup, it's going down. Although tomorrow it's probably going to be back up a couple of pounds. Why do I say that? Well...it's been a rough day. All day long I've felt like I was STARVING! I've been eating and eating all day and trying to make the best choices. I've also made sure to drink plenty of water today to help out with that, but that will be counteracted by the soy sauce I had with dinner. Yup, lots of soy sauce. Ok, only maybe 2-3 tablespoons of soy sauce at the most, but I didn't measure it. (I'm going to order some Bragg Amino Acid to try for soy sauce next time.) BAD! I'm ending the day with 1915 calories. Could be better, could be worse. I'm aiming for the 1700-2000 calories per day range currently and for the most part I'm doing really well with that.
Absolutely no attempt at exercise today, but I'm going to shoot to do 30 minutes of something, anything, tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning I also need to go grocery shopping. I've sat down and written out my meal plan (for dinner only) for the next two weeks and that should hopefully get me back on track for dinner again instead of just "winging it" most nights which can lead to failure. I also plan to pick up some more fresh fruits and veggies to snack on. I'm down to just apples and baby carrots and they're not cutting it. I really don't like carrots, but I've been snacking on them with some homemade ranch dip (16 oz. light sour cream with 1 packet dry ranch dressing).
I also went it and updated my Netflix queue with some more exercise dvds to try out, and mailed back a movie dvd today. Can't wait to get a new dvd to try out and see if that helps get me moving some more each day.
I still have a lot of my 35 days of Nutrisystem foods left. As of right now, I have 12 breakfasts, 13 desserts, 20 lunches and 24 dinners left. As you can see, I've definitely been eating the breakfast and dessert items. They're pretty good. I had some pretty nasty (in my opinion) lunch and dinner items and shied away from trying any more of those for a while and fixed other things for lunch, including some frozen meals. I'm back to trying them, and have found one more that I kind of liked and one that was gross. I'm just going to keep trying them and see if any more of them are any good. I am currently scheduled to have another 35 days worth ship in just over a week, and I'm going to go ahead and let that shipment mail out since it's going to be at a discounted rate still. I've already tweaked it to only include items that I've tried and will definitely eat again. I have found that storing all of the foods has been a little condundrum. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to store the food without it being in the way, or "out of sight, out of mind".
Absolutely no attempt at exercise today, but I'm going to shoot to do 30 minutes of something, anything, tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning I also need to go grocery shopping. I've sat down and written out my meal plan (for dinner only) for the next two weeks and that should hopefully get me back on track for dinner again instead of just "winging it" most nights which can lead to failure. I also plan to pick up some more fresh fruits and veggies to snack on. I'm down to just apples and baby carrots and they're not cutting it. I really don't like carrots, but I've been snacking on them with some homemade ranch dip (16 oz. light sour cream with 1 packet dry ranch dressing).
I also went it and updated my Netflix queue with some more exercise dvds to try out, and mailed back a movie dvd today. Can't wait to get a new dvd to try out and see if that helps get me moving some more each day.
I still have a lot of my 35 days of Nutrisystem foods left. As of right now, I have 12 breakfasts, 13 desserts, 20 lunches and 24 dinners left. As you can see, I've definitely been eating the breakfast and dessert items. They're pretty good. I had some pretty nasty (in my opinion) lunch and dinner items and shied away from trying any more of those for a while and fixed other things for lunch, including some frozen meals. I'm back to trying them, and have found one more that I kind of liked and one that was gross. I'm just going to keep trying them and see if any more of them are any good. I am currently scheduled to have another 35 days worth ship in just over a week, and I'm going to go ahead and let that shipment mail out since it's going to be at a discounted rate still. I've already tweaked it to only include items that I've tried and will definitely eat again. I have found that storing all of the foods has been a little condundrum. I'm still trying to figure out the best way to store the food without it being in the way, or "out of sight, out of mind".
Friday, April 1, 2011
Friday, 04/01/11, Part 2
So today has been a very blah day. I'm tired and exhausted and starting to wonder if the prednisone is helping to bog me down. I have 12 more days of it, so I'm hoping the fatigue is just from lack of sleep and not from the medication. I'll find out soon enough, I guess.
So due to being exhausted and feeling like I can hardly keep my eyes open, combined with another headache (I've had one every day for a week now) and the last minute schedule change that made it to where I couldn't get to the gym tonight, I didn't hardly do anything. I tried. I really did. I got on the exercise bike and did about 10 minutes. Yup, only 10 minutes. And that 10 minutes probably took me about 30 minutes to accomplish. My son really didn't want to let me exercise, and I was/am too tired and achy to fight him. So 10 minutes is what I fit in today. I tried, and will try again tomorrow. Good news is that my husband is going to let me sleep in until around 10am and he'll get up with the little one when he wakes up (probably around 7 or 8am).
Next week, during the day, my husband and the friend that is staying with us will both be out of the house for most of the day. My goal is to try to get in some exercise while they're gone (think DVD). Crossing my fingers that I can do this!
So due to being exhausted and feeling like I can hardly keep my eyes open, combined with another headache (I've had one every day for a week now) and the last minute schedule change that made it to where I couldn't get to the gym tonight, I didn't hardly do anything. I tried. I really did. I got on the exercise bike and did about 10 minutes. Yup, only 10 minutes. And that 10 minutes probably took me about 30 minutes to accomplish. My son really didn't want to let me exercise, and I was/am too tired and achy to fight him. So 10 minutes is what I fit in today. I tried, and will try again tomorrow. Good news is that my husband is going to let me sleep in until around 10am and he'll get up with the little one when he wakes up (probably around 7 or 8am).
Next week, during the day, my husband and the friend that is staying with us will both be out of the house for most of the day. My goal is to try to get in some exercise while they're gone (think DVD). Crossing my fingers that I can do this!
Friday, 04/01/11
Sleep is still lacking, but I woke up to a nice surprise this morning. When I weighed myself (yes, I weigh myself just about every morning...it helps keeps me on track), and my weight has finally budged again. It was ever so slightly budged, but I'll take it. Not like I've been putting in the full effort needed to see better results. Today I was 194.6 when I weighed. Every little bit counts.
I had planned to take the kids to the gym with me tonight and fit in about 30 minutes of cardio but unfortunately things have changed and now I can't. I can't take my son without my daughter with him right now or he's going to fuss like crazy. And my daughter has just been commandeered to go with some family for someone's birthday tonight. So that blew that plan out of the water. I'm brainstorming and going to see what I can do to get some more exercise in today. I might just have to start taking the little man to the mall and do some indoor walking there occasionally.
I had planned to take the kids to the gym with me tonight and fit in about 30 minutes of cardio but unfortunately things have changed and now I can't. I can't take my son without my daughter with him right now or he's going to fuss like crazy. And my daughter has just been commandeered to go with some family for someone's birthday tonight. So that blew that plan out of the water. I'm brainstorming and going to see what I can do to get some more exercise in today. I might just have to start taking the little man to the mall and do some indoor walking there occasionally.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Thursday, 03/31/11
Hmm, not sure how to describe my thoughts tonight other than exhausted! I'm so behind on sleep that it's not even funny. Ok, ok, depending on who you talk to, you can't (or can) get "behind" on sleep and in effect try to "catch up" on missed sleep. I'm exhausted and I'm not getting enough sleep to change that. I need a minimum 2 more hours of sleep each night than I have been getting, but so far it's just not possible. Due to circumstances I'm not getting to bed and asleep before midnight. Bad! I need to be in bed (and hopefully asleep) no later than 11pm at the latest. And on top of this, our son is still waking up in the middle of the night. He's waking up any where from 12:30am to 4:30am and won't settle back down until he's laying with us in our room and has a sippy cup of "milk" (formula). He doesn't have to fall asleep before we can put him back in his room, but it takes 30 minutes to over an hour before he is calm and settled enough to go back to his room. Poor thing. I just don't know what's wrong with him. And unfortunately for me, if he's in the bed with us, I don't sleep. So that's more lost sleep for me.
Today I've had the munchies. Could be from the prednisone, could be from the joys of being a female and having your hormones run rampant once a month. I've been trying to eat well, but well, the munchies have won over a bit. Even mints, hard candies and gum didn't help at all. I've taken in 1917 calories today. Could be worse, but definitely could have been a lot better. Hoping the munchies don't kill me tomorrow.
Exercise was nothing fantastic today. I fit in 12 minutes on the exercise bike at home this afternoon. Yup, just 12 minutes. All I had the...motivation for. But hey, 12 minutes is better than none. I really didn't want to go to the gym and work out with the trainer, much less work out tonight. Apparently my sister felt the same way.We She talked to our trainer and told him that we just didn't have the umph in it tonight and to take it easy on us. He just said that instead of wasting a paid session, to go fit in our own exercise and he wouldn't charge us for the session and we'd get back to it next week when we could give it our all. Double edged sword. While on one hand that was a relief, on the other hand maybe we just needed the push. Either way, my hips hurt bad tonight and am exhausted and just didn't have the energy. My sister was ready to bail out the gym as soon as our trainer said no training, but I convinced her to stay as long as I did. She hopped on the elliptical and I walked the indoor track. She kept trying to get me to quit and leave, but I did about 30 minutes of walking before I said enough. It's hard to keep moving when you hurt and are exhausted.
On the upside, I took the kids with me to the gym tonight. I haven't taken them in a while because our son (18 months) wouldn't stay in the child watch center the last two times I took him. He screamed bloody murder the whole time. So since then, the hubs and I have been coordinating schedules to make it so I didn't have to bring the kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well due to the hubs having next week off from both jobs to get some things done, he was put on the schedule for tonight. We have a friend in town that offered to keep the kids for me to go to the gym, but since the little guy was in a good mood today, I took them with me. According to my daughter, he did fuss occasionally, but nothing bad. Just for a drink, snack, change of pace, etc. Themillion several times I peeked in on them, he seemed content and happy. I'm hoping this is a good sign and that I may be able to start fitting in some cardio on other days and finally get to take advantage of the child watch again.
Today I've had the munchies. Could be from the prednisone, could be from the joys of being a female and having your hormones run rampant once a month. I've been trying to eat well, but well, the munchies have won over a bit. Even mints, hard candies and gum didn't help at all. I've taken in 1917 calories today. Could be worse, but definitely could have been a lot better. Hoping the munchies don't kill me tomorrow.
Exercise was nothing fantastic today. I fit in 12 minutes on the exercise bike at home this afternoon. Yup, just 12 minutes. All I had the...motivation for. But hey, 12 minutes is better than none. I really didn't want to go to the gym and work out with the trainer, much less work out tonight. Apparently my sister felt the same way.
On the upside, I took the kids with me to the gym tonight. I haven't taken them in a while because our son (18 months) wouldn't stay in the child watch center the last two times I took him. He screamed bloody murder the whole time. So since then, the hubs and I have been coordinating schedules to make it so I didn't have to bring the kids on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well due to the hubs having next week off from both jobs to get some things done, he was put on the schedule for tonight. We have a friend in town that offered to keep the kids for me to go to the gym, but since the little guy was in a good mood today, I took them with me. According to my daughter, he did fuss occasionally, but nothing bad. Just for a drink, snack, change of pace, etc. The
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Wednesday 03/30/11
No exercise for me today. Slacker. That's me. I'm ok with it today though. I'm still achy and dealing with that. One day at a time.
I finally updated my weight and measurements for this week (tab at top). The weight and measurements were taken on Tuesday instead of Monday because, well, I didn't get around to it Monday morning. I'm not losing, in fact my weight's gone up again. BUT my measurements are progressing, slowly.
Tomorrow's another day, and I'm going into it fresh. I ate pretty well today and feel content with that since I didn't get any exercise in. Definitely going to try to work on that tomorrow.
I finally updated my weight and measurements for this week (tab at top). The weight and measurements were taken on Tuesday instead of Monday because, well, I didn't get around to it Monday morning. I'm not losing, in fact my weight's gone up again. BUT my measurements are progressing, slowly.
Tomorrow's another day, and I'm going into it fresh. I ate pretty well today and feel content with that since I didn't get any exercise in. Definitely going to try to work on that tomorrow.
Wednesday 03/30/11
So I've had to sit back and reevaluate my game plan for my health and weight loss journey. I've been doing a lot of thinking and researching as to what I should do from this point forward because I'm at a point where I'm floundering. I've been planning my exercise to be all gung-ho and that's obviously not working for me for several reasons. First and foremost being that I hurt too much to do that amount of exercise. Second reason being that I don't always have the time to fit in the exercise I need to at home during the day. And third reason being that we have an extended stay visitor that makes me uncomfortable to exercise in front of. Nothing against our house guest, just not comfortable working out in front of him to do a dvd.
So here's my new exercise game plan. Most weeks (through the beginning of May) my sister and I are still going to be meeting with our trainer twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The plan for those days is to get my hour of exercising in with the trainer, and to also get in 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical at the gym. On days where I don't go to the gym, I'm going to shoot for 30 minutes of cardio at home. I'm going to try to do an exercise dvd twice a week, but that's only if I have time. I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't fit in the exercise dvds though.
My eating is still going ok but could be improved on and I'm going to work on that also. I've gotten away from planning my dinners in advance, and we've just been "winging it" and that's not working for me. So I'm going to sit down and plan out my grocery menues for the next two weeks and shop accordingly. I plan to sit down and right out the menue for the next two weeks either tonight or tomorrow night so that I can go shopping Friday morning.
I still have my Nutrisystem foods, and have been eating them for breakfast daily this week. I have stopped eating the dinners and lunches because I just couldn't stomach them and my taste buds have been off so I didn't want to waste them. I'm going to start eating them soon, once things seem to taste more normal to me. I have been trying some frozen meals for lunch and have found some that I actually like. While I do know that eating all of these meal replacement items aren't great for me, I also recognize that not eating is worse. I still have a hard time coming up with quick and easy foods that I can eat for breakfast and lunch so by eating the meal replacment items, it keeps me from forgetting to eat. I will probably buy another month's worth of Nutrisystem and follow the plan a bit more closely (at least up until dinner time) and see how I do.
My weight has stalled and is fluctuating around 196-199 lbs. daily. As long as I stay under 200 lbs. and don't actually gain any weight back, then I'll be happy. I can live with my weight plateauing as long as I'm not actually gaining weight back.
I did finally get my "under 200" reward of cutting my hair done this past weekend. I went on Saturday night and had about 6 inches of length cut off. Yup, I chopped off a LOT of hair and I feel so much fresher now. I did have to go back on Sunday morning and have it fixed. I have issues with getting my hair cut and one side ending up longer than the other once it dries. And that's what happened this time. My hair started to dry and the right side was about an inch longer than the left. I would have gone back Saturday night, but they were closed. So I went on Sunday morning and had it fixed and now it looks great, and I had a total of about 7 inches cut off.
I've felt some effect from the cortisone shot I recieved on Monday, but I've had more aching in my hips the past two days. I've read that you can have some pain in the surrounding areas for the first few days after getting a cortisone injection, so I'm hoping that's what it is. I started my 16 days of the prednisone yesterday also. Crossing my fingers for good results when this is all said and done. So far I haven't had any negative effects from the prednisone. I've (unfortunately) been informed that taking prednisone can cause weight gain and also the munchies. Oh joy. Lol. So far so good, but I've only been on it a day and a half. I take 40mg for the first four days and then it tapers down 10mg every four days.
So here's my new exercise game plan. Most weeks (through the beginning of May) my sister and I are still going to be meeting with our trainer twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The plan for those days is to get my hour of exercising in with the trainer, and to also get in 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical at the gym. On days where I don't go to the gym, I'm going to shoot for 30 minutes of cardio at home. I'm going to try to do an exercise dvd twice a week, but that's only if I have time. I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't fit in the exercise dvds though.
My eating is still going ok but could be improved on and I'm going to work on that also. I've gotten away from planning my dinners in advance, and we've just been "winging it" and that's not working for me. So I'm going to sit down and plan out my grocery menues for the next two weeks and shop accordingly. I plan to sit down and right out the menue for the next two weeks either tonight or tomorrow night so that I can go shopping Friday morning.
I still have my Nutrisystem foods, and have been eating them for breakfast daily this week. I have stopped eating the dinners and lunches because I just couldn't stomach them and my taste buds have been off so I didn't want to waste them. I'm going to start eating them soon, once things seem to taste more normal to me. I have been trying some frozen meals for lunch and have found some that I actually like. While I do know that eating all of these meal replacement items aren't great for me, I also recognize that not eating is worse. I still have a hard time coming up with quick and easy foods that I can eat for breakfast and lunch so by eating the meal replacment items, it keeps me from forgetting to eat. I will probably buy another month's worth of Nutrisystem and follow the plan a bit more closely (at least up until dinner time) and see how I do.
My weight has stalled and is fluctuating around 196-199 lbs. daily. As long as I stay under 200 lbs. and don't actually gain any weight back, then I'll be happy. I can live with my weight plateauing as long as I'm not actually gaining weight back.
I did finally get my "under 200" reward of cutting my hair done this past weekend. I went on Saturday night and had about 6 inches of length cut off. Yup, I chopped off a LOT of hair and I feel so much fresher now. I did have to go back on Sunday morning and have it fixed. I have issues with getting my hair cut and one side ending up longer than the other once it dries. And that's what happened this time. My hair started to dry and the right side was about an inch longer than the left. I would have gone back Saturday night, but they were closed. So I went on Sunday morning and had it fixed and now it looks great, and I had a total of about 7 inches cut off.
I've felt some effect from the cortisone shot I recieved on Monday, but I've had more aching in my hips the past two days. I've read that you can have some pain in the surrounding areas for the first few days after getting a cortisone injection, so I'm hoping that's what it is. I started my 16 days of the prednisone yesterday also. Crossing my fingers for good results when this is all said and done. So far I haven't had any negative effects from the prednisone. I've (unfortunately) been informed that taking prednisone can cause weight gain and also the munchies. Oh joy. Lol. So far so good, but I've only been on it a day and a half. I take 40mg for the first four days and then it tapers down 10mg every four days.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday 03/28/11
So this past week didn't go as planned in the least bit.
I've had some headaches and just overall feeling blah to put it mildly. I've also had more pain in my lower back (ok, more like butt area) lately. I went to the doctor last Friday and they took x-rays of it. Nothing too much out of the ordinary on the x-ray but I do have what's know as sacralization of the L5 vertebrae to the S1 sacrum. I hope I put that right. So the doctor referred to my an orthopaedic specialist. I went to that doctor today and he looked at my x-rays and did an exam. The conclusion is that while the sacralization of the L5 vertebrae is probably causing my hip discomfort with my right hip, it's not causing my pain. No obvious reason as to why I'm in so much pain. I did get a shot of cortisone in my troublesome area today and I was given a prescription for predisone. I'm crossing my fingers that this helps.
My eating has been okay, with occasionally splurges but nothing too bad. My exercise was non-existant last week. I didn't make it to the gym at all, and I didn't fit in any exercise at home. I haven't done anything so far this week, but I'm due at the gym tomorrow night to workout with the trainer for an hour. Wish me luck.
I've had some headaches and just overall feeling blah to put it mildly. I've also had more pain in my lower back (ok, more like butt area) lately. I went to the doctor last Friday and they took x-rays of it. Nothing too much out of the ordinary on the x-ray but I do have what's know as sacralization of the L5 vertebrae to the S1 sacrum. I hope I put that right. So the doctor referred to my an orthopaedic specialist. I went to that doctor today and he looked at my x-rays and did an exam. The conclusion is that while the sacralization of the L5 vertebrae is probably causing my hip discomfort with my right hip, it's not causing my pain. No obvious reason as to why I'm in so much pain. I did get a shot of cortisone in my troublesome area today and I was given a prescription for predisone. I'm crossing my fingers that this helps.
My eating has been okay, with occasionally splurges but nothing too bad. My exercise was non-existant last week. I didn't make it to the gym at all, and I didn't fit in any exercise at home. I haven't done anything so far this week, but I'm due at the gym tomorrow night to workout with the trainer for an hour. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Tuesday 03/22/11
Weight: 196.8
B: NS NutriCinnamon Squares Cereal (120), 4 oz. fat-free milk (45); 1 large banana (121); light yogurt, Cinnamon Bun (100)
S: Two apples (190)
L: GV Steak, Mushroom & Cheese Panini (320)
S: grapes (138); 1 string cheese (80)
D: Tacos (too many! I'm going to guess and say about 900 calories at least)
DS: NS Chocolate Chip Cookie (150); Atkins Endulge Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie (140)
W: 32 oz water; 64 oz sugar-free drink mix
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert; W = Water Intake)
Total calories for the day:
Input: +2304
Output: -2266
Difference: +38
Exercise: About 30 minutes of cardio between the exercise bike and indoor walking.
Tonight was supposed to be a night at the gym with the trainer, but he had to cancel for personal reasons. My sister bailed on going to the gym for her own personal reasons. I still planned to go, but my son wasn't feeling well and I opted to stay home to help out with him so my husband and our house guest could get some things done. Yes, I should have still gone, but sometimes life gets in the way.
B: NS NutriCinnamon Squares Cereal (120), 4 oz. fat-free milk (45); 1 large banana (121); light yogurt, Cinnamon Bun (100)
S: Two apples (190)
L: GV Steak, Mushroom & Cheese Panini (320)
S: grapes (138); 1 string cheese (80)
D: Tacos (too many! I'm going to guess and say about 900 calories at least)
DS: NS Chocolate Chip Cookie (150); Atkins Endulge Double Chocolate Chunk Cookie (140)
W: 32 oz water; 64 oz sugar-free drink mix
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert; W = Water Intake)
Total calories for the day:
Input: +2304
Output: -2266
Difference: +38
Exercise: About 30 minutes of cardio between the exercise bike and indoor walking.
Tonight was supposed to be a night at the gym with the trainer, but he had to cancel for personal reasons. My sister bailed on going to the gym for her own personal reasons. I still planned to go, but my son wasn't feeling well and I opted to stay home to help out with him so my husband and our house guest could get some things done. Yes, I should have still gone, but sometimes life gets in the way.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Monday 03/21/11
Weight: 196.8
B: 1 large banana (121); Zone meal bar (220)
S: 1 large banana (121)
L: 1 apple (95); Healthy Choice Lobster Cheese Raviolo (270)
S: 1 cheese stick (80); 1 apple (95); Shared an Atkins brownie bar with my son (100)
D: Mexican lasagna (550), 2 tbsp. light sour cream (45)
DS: NS Peppermint Cookie Patty (150 calories)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Input: +1847
Output: -2164
Difference: -317
Exercise: I did about 10 minutes of indoor walking. Pitful, I know.
So today is my tracking day, and I didn't lose any weight this week, but I did lose in measurements. I'll take that. I would have preferred to see the scale move some, but I'm ok with that because I can see progress with my measurements. Another reason why I weigh and measure myself weekly, if one doesn't change, the other might.
So I've already made it to where I won't reach my exercise goals for this week by not exercising today. I'm still shooting to do what I said for the rest of the week though. Tomorrow is a night with the trainer.
I'm finding it hard to exercise at home right now because we have a house guest for the next month. It's taking a lot of adjusting to get used to having this person in the house because we have different perspectives on a lot of things and it makes my day to day a little bit more stressful. (For example, I watched said house guest rinse out his coffee cup and put it with the clean dishes on the counter. As I told the house guest, if you don't want to wash it because YOU will use it again, rinse it out and set it aside but DO NOT put it with CLEAN dishes!) It's hard to get up and gt moving when you have someone sitting around watching everything you do. I don't know about you, but that's not motivating for me. It's frustrating. I have the desire to get moving, but not if my every move is going to be watched and commented on. I'm going to have to figure out an alternative solution for the next month while the person is staying with us because letting things go for that long isn't good.
B: 1 large banana (121); Zone meal bar (220)
S: 1 large banana (121)
L: 1 apple (95); Healthy Choice Lobster Cheese Raviolo (270)
S: 1 cheese stick (80); 1 apple (95); Shared an Atkins brownie bar with my son (100)
D: Mexican lasagna (550), 2 tbsp. light sour cream (45)
DS: NS Peppermint Cookie Patty (150 calories)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Input: +1847
Output: -2164
Difference: -317
Exercise: I did about 10 minutes of indoor walking. Pitful, I know.
So today is my tracking day, and I didn't lose any weight this week, but I did lose in measurements. I'll take that. I would have preferred to see the scale move some, but I'm ok with that because I can see progress with my measurements. Another reason why I weigh and measure myself weekly, if one doesn't change, the other might.
So I've already made it to where I won't reach my exercise goals for this week by not exercising today. I'm still shooting to do what I said for the rest of the week though. Tomorrow is a night with the trainer.
I'm finding it hard to exercise at home right now because we have a house guest for the next month. It's taking a lot of adjusting to get used to having this person in the house because we have different perspectives on a lot of things and it makes my day to day a little bit more stressful. (For example, I watched said house guest rinse out his coffee cup and put it with the clean dishes on the counter. As I told the house guest, if you don't want to wash it because YOU will use it again, rinse it out and set it aside but DO NOT put it with CLEAN dishes!) It's hard to get up and gt moving when you have someone sitting around watching everything you do. I don't know about you, but that's not motivating for me. It's frustrating. I have the desire to get moving, but not if my every move is going to be watched and commented on. I'm going to have to figure out an alternative solution for the next month while the person is staying with us because letting things go for that long isn't good.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Sunday 03/20/11
Weight: 196.4
B: NS Chocolate Muffin (190), 1 large banana (121)
S: none
L: HC Chicken Parmigiana (w/broccoli & caramel apple multigrain crisp) (350)
S: NS Lunch Peanut Butter Chocolate bar (220)
D: Chicken sandwich w/mayo & tomato (385); spinach salad w/tomato & cheese (250); 1 cup corn (133)
DS: Atkins Endulge Peanut Butter cookie (130)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Input: +1394
Output: -2139
Difference: -745
Exercise: none
I didn't make it to the gym this morning like I had planned. Honestly, the only way I could have gone to the gym was if I went first thing this morning when the gym opened (8am). I ended up sleeping in until 9:30am. (Have I mentioned how much I love my husband!) Hubby and I both had some things to get done today, so since I didn't get up and out the door to the gym first thing this morning, it wasn't a possibility to go. I'm ok with this.
I'm going to make a plan again for my exercise for this coming week and I'm going to do my best to stick to it. My goal is to get 60 minutes of cardio 6 days this week. I will be working out with the trainer two nights this week, but I also am shooting for getting some toning exercises done on two more days (so a total of four including the two days I meet with the trainer).
B: NS Chocolate Muffin (190), 1 large banana (121)
S: none
L: HC Chicken Parmigiana (w/broccoli & caramel apple multigrain crisp) (350)
S: NS Lunch Peanut Butter Chocolate bar (220)
D: Chicken sandwich w/mayo & tomato (385); spinach salad w/tomato & cheese (250); 1 cup corn (133)
DS: Atkins Endulge Peanut Butter cookie (130)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Input: +1394
Output: -2139
Difference: -745
Exercise: none
I didn't make it to the gym this morning like I had planned. Honestly, the only way I could have gone to the gym was if I went first thing this morning when the gym opened (8am). I ended up sleeping in until 9:30am. (Have I mentioned how much I love my husband!) Hubby and I both had some things to get done today, so since I didn't get up and out the door to the gym first thing this morning, it wasn't a possibility to go. I'm ok with this.
I'm going to make a plan again for my exercise for this coming week and I'm going to do my best to stick to it. My goal is to get 60 minutes of cardio 6 days this week. I will be working out with the trainer two nights this week, but I also am shooting for getting some toning exercises done on two more days (so a total of four including the two days I meet with the trainer).
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Saturday 03/19/11
196.8
B: NS Blueberry muffin (170); 1 large banana (121)
S: none
L: Tuna on toasted onion roll w/relish, light Miracle Whip, tomatoe & pickle (300); Veggie Straws (150)
S: 1 cookie (250), 3 caramel chews (130)
D: Digiorno Stuffed Crust Cheeseburger Pizza w/1 Tbsp. spicy ranch dressing (530)
DS: NS Chocolatey Nougat Bar with Peanuts & Caramel (160)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Intake: +1811
Output: -2547
Difference: -736
Exercise: 60 minutes of cardio on the elliptical
Fairly lazy day overall but I did make it to the gym and did one hour of cardio exercise on the elliptical. I had hoped to get some toning exercising in also, but I was limited on time today and just did what I could.
I still haven't gotten my hair cut, but plan to do that either tomorrow or Monday. I also still haven't been to the grocery store, but plan to do that tomorrow.
B: NS Blueberry muffin (170); 1 large banana (121)
S: none
L: Tuna on toasted onion roll w/relish, light Miracle Whip, tomatoe & pickle (300); Veggie Straws (150)
S: 1 cookie (250), 3 caramel chews (130)
D: Digiorno Stuffed Crust Cheeseburger Pizza w/1 Tbsp. spicy ranch dressing (530)
DS: NS Chocolatey Nougat Bar with Peanuts & Caramel (160)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Intake: +1811
Output: -2547
Difference: -736
Exercise: 60 minutes of cardio on the elliptical
Fairly lazy day overall but I did make it to the gym and did one hour of cardio exercise on the elliptical. I had hoped to get some toning exercising in also, but I was limited on time today and just did what I could.
I still haven't gotten my hair cut, but plan to do that either tomorrow or Monday. I also still haven't been to the grocery store, but plan to do that tomorrow.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Friday 03/18/11
197.4
B: Special K Protein Bar (200), 1 large banana (121 calories)
S: none
L: Tuna w/mayo, relish, tomato & pickles on toasted onion roll (300 calories); 1 serving Veggie Straws (130 calories)
S: 1 large banana (121 calories), NS White Chocolate Chunck Cookie (160), NS Coconut Almond Bar (160 calories) (I had the munchies)
D: 1 cheeseburger (600); salad (200)
DS: none
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Intake: +1942
Ouput: -2120
Difference: -178
Exercise: none
Just not motivated today. I'm trying to do some things with some files on my computer and that took up way too much time today. I'm shooting to go to the gym both tomorrow and Sunday. Wish me luck.
B: Special K Protein Bar (200), 1 large banana (121 calories)
S: none
L: Tuna w/mayo, relish, tomato & pickles on toasted onion roll (300 calories); 1 serving Veggie Straws (130 calories)
S: 1 large banana (121 calories), NS White Chocolate Chunck Cookie (160), NS Coconut Almond Bar (160 calories) (I had the munchies)
D: 1 cheeseburger (600); salad (200)
DS: none
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Intake: +1942
Ouput: -2120
Difference: -178
Exercise: none
Just not motivated today. I'm trying to do some things with some files on my computer and that took up way too much time today. I'm shooting to go to the gym both tomorrow and Sunday. Wish me luck.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Thursday 03/17/11
197.4
B: Equate Ultra Weight Loss Shake, Creamy Milk Chocolate (190 calories)
S: 1 large banana (121 calories)
L: 1-1/2 roast chicken sandwiches (350 calories)
S: Market Pantry Nutrition Bar, Fudge Graham (210 calories)
D: Hamburger (450 calories); Michelina's Lean Gourmet Buffalo Chicken Snackers (200 calories); 1/2 tbsp. spicy ranch dressing (20 calories)
DS: none
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Intake: 1541 (foood)
Output: 2729 (bodybugg)
Difference: -1188
Exercise: 55 minutes of cardio; 60 minutes weight circuit with the trainer.
Not a bad number really. Still in range, but definitely need to get to the store and get more fresh fruits and veggies.
Tonight was a night at the gym. I left the gym with mixed feelings tonight. Our training package is good throught the end of April (maybe the first week of May), and when it's done, I'm not sure if I (or we) plan to continue with training for financial reasons. Last night I found out or trainer is moving out of state in July. I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm happy he and his family are doing what's best for them, but at the same time I'm angry that I'm training with someone who obviously knew he was going to be leaving shortly. Why go through three months of training with this person, finding routines that work around our injuries and conditions, only to have to start all over again with someone else if I wish to continue working with a trainer. I'm aggravated and frustrated at the situation.
On another note, I did ask Jeff (my trainer) to sit down and write out reccomended routines that can be done at home, or at the gym (with the weight machines) when I'm not working out with him. He says he'll have that for us on Tuesday (our next training session). I'm hoping he doesn't forget.
I walked/jogged for 10 minutes followed by an hour of a weight circuit with the trainer. I finished with 45 minutes of interval training on an elliptical. I was shooting for an hour, but after 30 minutes I started hurting. By 40 minutes I was hurting worse. So I stopped at 45 minutes. Oh well, I'll shoot for 60 minutes next time (hoping that will be Saturday morning).
B: Equate Ultra Weight Loss Shake, Creamy Milk Chocolate (190 calories)
S: 1 large banana (121 calories)
L: 1-1/2 roast chicken sandwiches (350 calories)
S: Market Pantry Nutrition Bar, Fudge Graham (210 calories)
D: Hamburger (450 calories); Michelina's Lean Gourmet Buffalo Chicken Snackers (200 calories); 1/2 tbsp. spicy ranch dressing (20 calories)
DS: none
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total calories for the day:
Intake: 1541 (foood)
Output: 2729 (bodybugg)
Difference: -1188
Exercise: 55 minutes of cardio; 60 minutes weight circuit with the trainer.
Not a bad number really. Still in range, but definitely need to get to the store and get more fresh fruits and veggies.
Tonight was a night at the gym. I left the gym with mixed feelings tonight. Our training package is good throught the end of April (maybe the first week of May), and when it's done, I'm not sure if I (or we) plan to continue with training for financial reasons. Last night I found out or trainer is moving out of state in July. I have very mixed feelings about this. I'm happy he and his family are doing what's best for them, but at the same time I'm angry that I'm training with someone who obviously knew he was going to be leaving shortly. Why go through three months of training with this person, finding routines that work around our injuries and conditions, only to have to start all over again with someone else if I wish to continue working with a trainer. I'm aggravated and frustrated at the situation.
On another note, I did ask Jeff (my trainer) to sit down and write out reccomended routines that can be done at home, or at the gym (with the weight machines) when I'm not working out with him. He says he'll have that for us on Tuesday (our next training session). I'm hoping he doesn't forget.
I walked/jogged for 10 minutes followed by an hour of a weight circuit with the trainer. I finished with 45 minutes of interval training on an elliptical. I was shooting for an hour, but after 30 minutes I started hurting. By 40 minutes I was hurting worse. So I stopped at 45 minutes. Oh well, I'll shoot for 60 minutes next time (hoping that will be Saturday morning).
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wednesday 03/16/11
196.4 today.
I'm going to post what I eat today. Don't knock me for the "crap" I'm eating and putting into my body. I have a really hard time eating and getting in calories during the day, so I am using a lot of meal replacement items right now. It's better than not eating.
B: Market Pantry Nutrition Bar, Dark Chocolate Caramel Pecan (190 calories)
S: 1 large banana (121 calories)
L: NS Cheesy Homestyle Potatoes (200 calories); 1 toasted onion roll (170 calories), 1 tuna pouch (80 calories), 1 tbsp. light Miracle Whip (20 calories), 1 tbsp. relish (15 calories), dill pickle slices (10 calories), 1 tomato slice (5 calories)
S: Market Pantry Nutrition Bar, Chocolate Peanut Butter (210 calories); 1 large banana (121 calories), 1 serving BBQ Veggie Straws "chips" (130 calories)
D: Two ham biscuits (500 calories), 1 cup green beans (50 calories)
DS: Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (160 calories)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total for the day: 1861 calories. I know I should have tracked more than just the calories, but today was a very hungry/munchie day and I was doing good to track what I did. I'm in my calorie range for once though. Too bad I had so much processed food instead of fresh fruits and veggies. I need to go grocery shopping and am low on those right now. All I have is a bunch of bananas and frozen veggies.
I didn't get in any cardio today as planned. We're still having a rough time with our son sleeping at night. It's a fight to get him to bed and asleep. And then once he's asleep he will wake up in the middle of the night crying and won't settle back down. Last night we were able to get him to go to sleep on his own in his room with the light left on, but it took about a half an hour of on and off crying. By the time hubby and I made it to bed, it was about midnight. Both myself and my husband were exhausted today. He took a catnap early in the day but I wasn't so lucky. So no cardio for me today. I'll make up for it tomorrow evening at the gym and do something like I did on Tuesday.
I'm going to post what I eat today. Don't knock me for the "crap" I'm eating and putting into my body. I have a really hard time eating and getting in calories during the day, so I am using a lot of meal replacement items right now. It's better than not eating.
B: Market Pantry Nutrition Bar, Dark Chocolate Caramel Pecan (190 calories)
S: 1 large banana (121 calories)
L: NS Cheesy Homestyle Potatoes (200 calories); 1 toasted onion roll (170 calories), 1 tuna pouch (80 calories), 1 tbsp. light Miracle Whip (20 calories), 1 tbsp. relish (15 calories), dill pickle slices (10 calories), 1 tomato slice (5 calories)
S: Market Pantry Nutrition Bar, Chocolate Peanut Butter (210 calories); 1 large banana (121 calories), 1 serving BBQ Veggie Straws "chips" (130 calories)
D: Two ham biscuits (500 calories), 1 cup green beans (50 calories)
DS: Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich (160 calories)
(B = Breakfast; S = Snack; L = Lunch; D = Dinner; DS = Dessert)
Total for the day: 1861 calories. I know I should have tracked more than just the calories, but today was a very hungry/munchie day and I was doing good to track what I did. I'm in my calorie range for once though. Too bad I had so much processed food instead of fresh fruits and veggies. I need to go grocery shopping and am low on those right now. All I have is a bunch of bananas and frozen veggies.
I didn't get in any cardio today as planned. We're still having a rough time with our son sleeping at night. It's a fight to get him to bed and asleep. And then once he's asleep he will wake up in the middle of the night crying and won't settle back down. Last night we were able to get him to go to sleep on his own in his room with the light left on, but it took about a half an hour of on and off crying. By the time hubby and I made it to bed, it was about midnight. Both myself and my husband were exhausted today. He took a catnap early in the day but I wasn't so lucky. So no cardio for me today. I'll make up for it tomorrow evening at the gym and do something like I did on Tuesday.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday 03/15/11
Down another pound this morning! 195.8
If I can keep the scale moving like this, I'll be happy! I'm happy now, but I should say that I'll stay happy. Lol.
I didn't do much at all during the day today. In fact, any time I had a down moment from the kids, I was trying to get my computer to run better and running scans. Ever since I hooked up my external hard drive last night, and also started messing with iTunes, my computer has been throwing a hissy fit. I think I finally have it back to "normal". Lol.
I spent two hours at the gym tonight. I didn't get there as early as I would have preferred to because my husband got home from work late this evening. I did 20 minutes of walking and jogging before working out with the trainer for an hour. My trainer and I had some choice words...ok I had some choice words for him at one point. I know I'm paying him to push me beyond what I would do on my own. I get this. But what he sometime fails to remember is that I have injuries to work around: weak shoulder (tore my rotator cuff about 2-1/2 years ago and it's still weak), recovering still from my broken tailbone, bad hip joints and bad knees. In fact I dislocated one of my knees twice in one week when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant with my son. I dislocated it again today. It hurts like a SOB when it does, and thankfully it (so far has) always pops back into place when I straighten my leg. But it does leave my knee weaker and aching. (If you're wondering how I dislocated it, I was just sitting on the floor and went to get up. Yup that simple.) So my knee was weaker tonight and my trainer was pushing me. He seemed to forget that I had hurt myself today and wasn't just "wimping out". No hard feelings between me and him though despite that. He joked about hoping my husband doesn't ever piss me off. Lol.
So anyways, I got sidetracked. I spent two hours at the gym. Twenty minutes of walking/jogging before working out with Jeff (my trainer). An hour of working my butt off with him. Another 5-10 minutes of walking followed by 35 minutes on the elliptical. I kicked butt tonight. I'll be paying for it tomorrow. Lol.
If I can keep the scale moving like this, I'll be happy! I'm happy now, but I should say that I'll stay happy. Lol.
I didn't do much at all during the day today. In fact, any time I had a down moment from the kids, I was trying to get my computer to run better and running scans. Ever since I hooked up my external hard drive last night, and also started messing with iTunes, my computer has been throwing a hissy fit. I think I finally have it back to "normal". Lol.
I spent two hours at the gym tonight. I didn't get there as early as I would have preferred to because my husband got home from work late this evening. I did 20 minutes of walking and jogging before working out with the trainer for an hour. My trainer and I had some choice words...ok I had some choice words for him at one point. I know I'm paying him to push me beyond what I would do on my own. I get this. But what he sometime fails to remember is that I have injuries to work around: weak shoulder (tore my rotator cuff about 2-1/2 years ago and it's still weak), recovering still from my broken tailbone, bad hip joints and bad knees. In fact I dislocated one of my knees twice in one week when I was about 7 or 8 months pregnant with my son. I dislocated it again today. It hurts like a SOB when it does, and thankfully it (so far has) always pops back into place when I straighten my leg. But it does leave my knee weaker and aching. (If you're wondering how I dislocated it, I was just sitting on the floor and went to get up. Yup that simple.) So my knee was weaker tonight and my trainer was pushing me. He seemed to forget that I had hurt myself today and wasn't just "wimping out". No hard feelings between me and him though despite that. He joked about hoping my husband doesn't ever piss me off. Lol.
So anyways, I got sidetracked. I spent two hours at the gym. Twenty minutes of walking/jogging before working out with Jeff (my trainer). An hour of working my butt off with him. Another 5-10 minutes of walking followed by 35 minutes on the elliptical. I kicked butt tonight. I'll be paying for it tomorrow. Lol.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Monday 03/14/11
196.8 today and 197.4 on Sunday.
So I have feel like I have a lot on my mind to put today, so I'm going to try to get it all out without it coming out in one big jumbled mess. Wish me luck!
I'm still losing and that's great! Yay! I still haven't gotten around to my "reward" for getting (and staying) under 200 pounds yet. (If you don't know, or have forgotten, it was to get a much needed haircut.) I am planning on doing that Wednesday evening. I am so ready to have my hair cut. It's too long for me, and it will help me to feel better about myself.
In just shy of two months, I've lost 10.2 pounds. I'm happy with that. It's not a fast loss, but it's still a loss and that's a plus. I'm averaging about 1-1/2 pound loss per week. If I stay at this rate, I'll reach MY goal in about 10 months. I say MY goal because according to certain sites, my goal should be about 13 pounds less than what I've set my goal to be. Honestly that weight (137 lbs.) is a number I really don't ever expect to see. The last time I was that light was right before and right after I had my first child (I was 131 lbs. then) and I think I looked too thin and unhealthy. My goal is to be around 150 lbs. and whatever weight I actually settle on I'll be okay with.
Workout clothes for me are so hard to find. I'm so picky about how things feel and the "weight" and "breathability" (is that even a word? off to Google that. According to Merriam-Webster, no, it's not a word.) of fabric. I am also unfortunately well endowed and that poses a whole different issue when it comes to clothing much less workout clothes. I have yet to find a sports bra that can hold up to the job it's put to. I currently wear two sports bras layered just to get enough support for day to day, but it falls short for the support needed for working out. I have some great workout pants from Target, but the weather is starting to get warmer and I need to find capris now. I get hot very easily and need to cut out any fabric I can or else I'll burn up. I have a couple of men's v-neck undershirts (gray in color) that I wear to workout that are a great weight and are a nice breathable fabric. I wish I could find more in a color other than gray or white. I'm sure everyone at the gym thinks that I wear the same thing every day I go. Lol. I wore a different t-shirt last Thursday when I went to the gym and I absolutely burned up the whole time. I really thought it was a lighter weight and breathable fabric. I guess not though. Workout wear is crucial. Still looking for the optimal sports bra and shirts to wear.
I've been eating my Nutrisystem foods off an on lately. Some aren't bad. Some are just plain awful and disgusting (those I don't tend to eat). No worse than any other meal replacement foods, diet meals or shelf stable meals you'd pick up at the store. I'm debating on if it's worth it or not to get another five weeks worth of food once I'm low on this order. I do like a lot of the treats and breakfast items. For the lunches and dinners they all seem to suck so far expcept for the meal bars and the thick crust pizzas. I still have plenty of time to decide though. Having the Nutrisystem foods on hand has helped me to eat more and bring my calorie intake up to a more normal level. I did pick up a bunch of meal replacement bars when I was at the grocery store the other day to add to my intake on days that I'm running low on calories. I'll just have to see how I do from here on out.
I'm still having some family/financial woes going on that are affecting things but I'm not letting them affect my eating or exercise. I went to the gym Saturday afternoon and did a round of cardio. Nothing much, but cardio none the less. I had planned to go again Sunday morning, but I didn't make it there because we had a rough night with our son Saturday night. (He's at the age where he's freaking out at night time and doesn't want to go to sleep in his room and if he wakes up at night he won't go back to sleep in his room.) We didn't get a good night's sleep, and we had lots to do so I didn't go to the gym. Oh well, I tried. Life gets in the way occasionally, but I'm not going to let it bring me down. I didn't fit in any exercise today, but I'm not stressing that either. Tomorrow's another gym night with the trainer.
My workout plan for the rest of the week is as follows: Tuesday I'll be in the gym with the trainer for an hour and I plan to get in 30-45 minutes of cardio on top of this. Wednesday I can't make it to the gym, so I'm going to try to fit in about 60 minutes of light cardio at home. Thursday I'll be in the gym again with the trainer for an hour and also 30-45 minutes of cardio. Friday I'm going to try to workout at the gym, but since I'm going to have to take my kids with me, I don't know if I'm going to get much in. I'm going to do as much cardio as I can get in before my son gets too cranky being in the child watch center. Saturday morning I'm going to try to go to the gym for 45-60 minutes of cardio and the same for Sunday. Wish me luck!
So I have feel like I have a lot on my mind to put today, so I'm going to try to get it all out without it coming out in one big jumbled mess. Wish me luck!
I'm still losing and that's great! Yay! I still haven't gotten around to my "reward" for getting (and staying) under 200 pounds yet. (If you don't know, or have forgotten, it was to get a much needed haircut.) I am planning on doing that Wednesday evening. I am so ready to have my hair cut. It's too long for me, and it will help me to feel better about myself.
In just shy of two months, I've lost 10.2 pounds. I'm happy with that. It's not a fast loss, but it's still a loss and that's a plus. I'm averaging about 1-1/2 pound loss per week. If I stay at this rate, I'll reach MY goal in about 10 months. I say MY goal because according to certain sites, my goal should be about 13 pounds less than what I've set my goal to be. Honestly that weight (137 lbs.) is a number I really don't ever expect to see. The last time I was that light was right before and right after I had my first child (I was 131 lbs. then) and I think I looked too thin and unhealthy. My goal is to be around 150 lbs. and whatever weight I actually settle on I'll be okay with.
Workout clothes for me are so hard to find. I'm so picky about how things feel and the "weight" and "breathability" (is that even a word? off to Google that. According to Merriam-Webster, no, it's not a word.) of fabric. I am also unfortunately well endowed and that poses a whole different issue when it comes to clothing much less workout clothes. I have yet to find a sports bra that can hold up to the job it's put to. I currently wear two sports bras layered just to get enough support for day to day, but it falls short for the support needed for working out. I have some great workout pants from Target, but the weather is starting to get warmer and I need to find capris now. I get hot very easily and need to cut out any fabric I can or else I'll burn up. I have a couple of men's v-neck undershirts (gray in color) that I wear to workout that are a great weight and are a nice breathable fabric. I wish I could find more in a color other than gray or white. I'm sure everyone at the gym thinks that I wear the same thing every day I go. Lol. I wore a different t-shirt last Thursday when I went to the gym and I absolutely burned up the whole time. I really thought it was a lighter weight and breathable fabric. I guess not though. Workout wear is crucial. Still looking for the optimal sports bra and shirts to wear.
I've been eating my Nutrisystem foods off an on lately. Some aren't bad. Some are just plain awful and disgusting (those I don't tend to eat). No worse than any other meal replacement foods, diet meals or shelf stable meals you'd pick up at the store. I'm debating on if it's worth it or not to get another five weeks worth of food once I'm low on this order. I do like a lot of the treats and breakfast items. For the lunches and dinners they all seem to suck so far expcept for the meal bars and the thick crust pizzas. I still have plenty of time to decide though. Having the Nutrisystem foods on hand has helped me to eat more and bring my calorie intake up to a more normal level. I did pick up a bunch of meal replacement bars when I was at the grocery store the other day to add to my intake on days that I'm running low on calories. I'll just have to see how I do from here on out.
I'm still having some family/financial woes going on that are affecting things but I'm not letting them affect my eating or exercise. I went to the gym Saturday afternoon and did a round of cardio. Nothing much, but cardio none the less. I had planned to go again Sunday morning, but I didn't make it there because we had a rough night with our son Saturday night. (He's at the age where he's freaking out at night time and doesn't want to go to sleep in his room and if he wakes up at night he won't go back to sleep in his room.) We didn't get a good night's sleep, and we had lots to do so I didn't go to the gym. Oh well, I tried. Life gets in the way occasionally, but I'm not going to let it bring me down. I didn't fit in any exercise today, but I'm not stressing that either. Tomorrow's another gym night with the trainer.
My workout plan for the rest of the week is as follows: Tuesday I'll be in the gym with the trainer for an hour and I plan to get in 30-45 minutes of cardio on top of this. Wednesday I can't make it to the gym, so I'm going to try to fit in about 60 minutes of light cardio at home. Thursday I'll be in the gym again with the trainer for an hour and also 30-45 minutes of cardio. Friday I'm going to try to workout at the gym, but since I'm going to have to take my kids with me, I don't know if I'm going to get much in. I'm going to do as much cardio as I can get in before my son gets too cranky being in the child watch center. Saturday morning I'm going to try to go to the gym for 45-60 minutes of cardio and the same for Sunday. Wish me luck!
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